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By Vani Devi Dasi

Four years ago I got a phone call at three in the morning. Minutes later I couldn’t control my tears and the only thing I knew to do was to take shelter of Panca Tattva. Standing in front of their Lordships in a daze the tears came again as I felt your absence. My heart hurt, my heart still hurts. Your love for Krsna, Prabhupada, and all of us met no bounds, and a moment with you was like a hundred as time stood still and I couldn’t take my eyes from you. Your love was real, your spiritual vision was real, your taste for the holy name was real, your Bhakti was real, your loyalty to Prabhupada was real, and sitting at your feet experiencing all this I couldn’t move, completely overwhelmed.

But Aunty, four years later and I feel your absence less and less because my memories of you are ever strong. Whatever glimpses of taste you gave me burn ever encouraging in my heart, glimpses of a goal I one day desire to reach. I feel you present in my japa and kirtan. I feel you present in my relationship with my spiritual master, as your instructions guided me and your presence with Gurudev and I during those special moments completed my spiritual family. I feel your presence when I cook, you said to me:

“I’m so glad you are already tasting the Radharani Cooking Zone. Just gives me so much happiness to hear this.”

I will never forget those words when I’m in the kitchen, as I try to apply the principles of cooking for Krishna that you taught me.
I know you are with me and I pray the rest of my life can be lived in service to you. I love you Aunty Yamuna, how I wish I could sit at your feet again and hear you speak, but I am nonetheless overwhelmed with gratitude for the moments we’ve had together. As you once wrote to me: “Because we are separated by miles means nothing, for we are always together in heart.”
Aunty, even now I know we are connected in our hearts.

How I regret my foolishness and ignorance in your presence, the time I forgot to reply to your email, and that day I couldn’t go to Ambika Kalna with you, please please forgive me Aunty.
My love for you only increases every day. Please continue to guide and protect me by keeping me at your feet and enveloped in your strong intense embrace.
Your servant,
Vani dd

Source: http://m.dandavats.com/?p=17745