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Acceptance

I tried something different with my japa today.

This is a very crude attempt to describe it verbally.

Up until now I have been trying to think about focussing on the sound of the mantra and not getting caught up in my thoughts.

Often it feels like a constant battle. The current of my thoughts and emotions carries me out of the present moment, until I realize I'm not in the present moment and I bring myself back to the present, to the simple awareness of the sound of my voice, the syllables that I'm forming with my mouth and the way my body feels etc.

In the past, if a thought came up I would think "uh oh, here it goes, my brain is trying to take control again. Stop it! stop thinking!! Go away, I don't want to commit offenses by being inattentive to my chanting!" But generally this has the paradoxical effect of generating more thoughts and more discomfort and unrest in my mind rather than desired result of calming it down.

Today instead I just let my thoughts come, and every time a thought came I would say "thank you", and let it arise and then let it go without feeling that I need do "do" something about the thought. In this way, I am beginning to empower myself with the ability to recognize my thoughts as thoughts which do not necessarily have to lead to actions. I am also beginning to detach from a dualistic judgemental state of mind in which the thoughts are recieved as either "really good" or "really bad" and therefore demand some kind of immediate action to be taken.   My thoughts just ARE. And I am allowing myself to live in a state of gratitude and love by embracing and accepting the reality of my present moment experience.