1. Kind to Everyone
Sometimes we are kind to everyone outside of our home and nasty to those near to us. Treat your child with kindness and he will learn to be kind – a word of appreciation, a pat of encouragement, a hug of affection. Show kindness to others – a helping hand, giving charity, a word of thanks. Kindness does not mean giving in to your child – it means never giving up on your child. You also show your kindness by setting clear expectations, boundaries and following through on consequences.
2. Does not quarrel with anyone
Never quarrel with your spouse in front of your child. If you feel your temper rising with your child, take a step back, chant Hare Krishna, and go for a walk. Remember, ANGER is one letter short of DANGER. Teenagers often like to quarrel with their parents about rules and restrictions. Don’t waste too much time on this. Set the rules and ignore the tantrum.
3. Fixed in the Absolute Truth
If you are a happy practitioner of Krishna Consciousness, you don’t have to say a word! This is the best thing you can do for your child (and yourself).
4. Equal to Everyone
This means that your child is a spirit soul, like you, and all living entities. We are all made of the same spiritual energy. This does not mean that the parent is equal to the child on an external level. Your child needs you to be the adult, a self-assured and guiding adult. But respect the soul and Supersoul within. Your job is to help awaken this spiritual consciousness in your child.
5. Faultless
To err is human and certainly we cannot claim to be without mistake. However, if we sincerely try to please Krishna by raising our children in a balanced and loving Krishna Consciousness way then we can be said to be faultless.
6. Charitable
Charitable means a giving mood. It means being open-hearted and generous – with our time, our words, and our things. Spend generous time with your children – they grow up quickly. Give to those in need in front of your children and with your children. Talk to them about being grateful about what we have in life, and the importance of sharing and giving to others who don’t have. Help them to give Krishna Consciousness in fun and interesting ways. Create good memories of giving in charity.
7. Mild
A devotee parent does not overreact to the good or the bad in the world. Your child will sometimes be really good, and sometimes not. Be consistent, and allow time for your child to learn from his mistakes. Guide him towards good habits and away from the bad and tolerate while he is learning. Remember, happiness and distress come and go like winter and summer.
8. Clean
Keep your house clean and organized. This brings a great sense of goodness, peace and security for your child. It also helps you remain calm and in control. Clean with your children – it takes extra time but has lasting benefits. Cleanliness takes work, but the results are powerful!
9. Simple, Without Material Possession
Whether it is your karma to possess a lot or a little, it all belongs to Krishna. Teach your child how to keep it well and use it properly. Avoid indulging your child with too many games and gadgets all too soon. There is a time and place for everything. Let him learn to live with less, and be happy with that. Don’t give in to all his “I wants” or 'It's not fair.'. Let him earn it or receive it on a special day. ‘Things’ are no substitute for relationships, so don’t try to ‘buy’ his love. It never works.
10. Benevolent
Parents are meant to be benevolent to their children. This is your dharma. And the best giving is the deep and rich philosophy and lifestyle of Krishna Consciousness. Appreciate your children and you will learn much from them.
11. Peaceful
Peaceful means being in the mode of goodness, at peace with yourself as an adult and therefore being able to give your best to your child. Keeping Krishna an active part of your life brings real peace. Peaceful also means balancing out your life and not being too busy all the time. It means that when you spend time with your child or family you are not distracted by other things. They sense that you are happy to be with them and that you value their company.
12. Completely Attached to Krsna
Make this the important goal of your life, but remember it takes time. Don’t be fanatical and sacrifice your family in your efforts to be Krishna Conscious. Helping your children love and serve Krishna will help you develop your attachment to Krishna. We learn more when we help others to learn, and this pleases Krishna very much.
13. Has No Material Hankering
It’s good to model this for your children. Not that we don’t need material things to live a comfortable life, but we should avoid ‘keeping up with the Jones’ and trying to show off our material acquisitions. Children pick up on this superficiality right away, and lose respect for their parents. We need to help our children lead a more meaningful life, from the inside out.
14. Meek
As devotees we should act like ladies and gentlemen. As parents too. To be meek means less arrogance and less false ego. To control your child does not demand roughness, rudeness or sarcasm. Consistency, keeping your word, and genuinely acting in the interest of your child is where strength lies.
15. Steady
This is an important quality a parent needs. When you are a steady person in your child’s life, he will grow feeling safe and secure, which will lead to self-confidence and healthy relationships with others. Be steady in your spiritual practices, in your reliability, and in your support for and interaction with your child. When you are steady, your child can depend on you. Relationships of love and trust blossom on this foundation.
16. Self-controlled
This quality of self-control is especially important when parenting. A parent needs to stand back and let his child ‘fight his own battles’ so to speak. There is nothing worse than a hovering parent, who cannot resist jumping in and helping or rescuing his child from a difficult or challenging situation. This does not refer to imminent danger. Rather, we have to control the impulse to make things easy or solve all our child’s problems. The only message you send to your child when you do this is one of incompetence. When they have to work it out themselves and stand on their own two feet, that’s where growth and strength develop. Allow them the space to fail, fall, and figure it out. This is one of your most important parenting tasks.
17. Does not eat more than required
Be a fit and healthy parent and keep your children fit and healthy. Offer everything to Krishna, eat freshly cooked food and avoid junk food. Give your child good eating habits from a young age – on time. This includes learning to take as much as you care to and can eat and not wasting prasadam. Also, eating together as a family is a very good daily ritual. Highly recommended.
18. Sane
Your children may drive you insane at times! But remember, they are just children. You are the adult, the elder and you need to know how to bring things back to balance. Think calm, cool, and in control. Know when they have crossed the line in terms of behavior or attitude and make sure you bring them back to the proper place.
19. Respectful
Respect is the foundation of all other qualities. Do not speak badly about your child’s school or teachers in front of him. In fact, do not speak badly about anyone in front of your child. Expect your child to be polite and respectful to all adults. Naughty is fine, but there is nothing worse than a spoilt, disrespectful child. Do not make your child the center of attention. Teach him the importance of serving and respecting others. This includes people of different races and religious practices.
20. Humble
Humility is the ornament of the vaisnava, and true humility captures Krishna. Always remind your child how ultimately insignificant we are and it is by Krishna’s mercy alone that we can accomplish anything in this world. Humility also means being able to apologise if you have done something wrong. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry” if you have not acted properly with your child. Teach your child to apologise sincerely and say 'I am sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?'
21. Grave
A child needs his parents to be grave at times, so that they are reminded of the serious nature of this world, and the responsibilities of fulfilling the purpose of life. The Gita tells us it is a dangerous world, there is a lot of suffering, and we have to be very careful about the choices we make. Karma is a reality, and we map our next life by how we act in this one. Gravity can keep us grounded in doing the right thing as adults and parents.
22. Compassionate
How important is developing the quality of empathy in our children. A vaisnava doesn’t like to see an ant suffer. Awareness and compassion for others’ suffering helps you be grateful for what you have. Use every opportunity to help your child be sensitive to the needs of others – people as well, animals and the earth. Do this in practical ways – don't litter, live eco-friendly, assist the elderly, help injured animals, pray for others. Life provides unlimited opportunities for expressing compassion.
23. Friendly
Your child needs you as a parent, not as a friend. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly! Being jolly, happy, friendly, and encouraging – these are all positive qualities that should be around the home. Being friendly also means being happy in the company of your children and being happy to see them.
24. Poetic
Expose your children to the beautiful writings and poetry of the great classics of Vedic texts – the Gita, Bhagavatam, Mahabharata and Ramayana. Encourage the artistic development of your child – music, poetry, theatre, art – all which can be used to their full extent in the service of Krishna. There is also plenty of classic and contemporary literature that is supportive of our bhakti yoga process and can be introduced to your child.
25. Silent
Silence is powerful, often more powerful than speaking. Choose your battles carefully with your child. Reduce the noise pollution in your home (turn of the TV!) and allow your child to experience the joy of quietness and calm. Make the holy name a loved part of your family life as that is the true definition of silence.
26. Expert
Become an expert parent. Work on yourself to be a better person, a better vaisnava. Be open to learn from others and be ready to change if there is disharmony in your home. Don’t try to change others; change yourself and automatically others will change. Be sincere and pray to Krishna to help you do your duty as a parent to the best of your ability – and be ready to work hard at fulfilling that role!
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