It’s common for devotees to feel unqualified or unworthy to serve guru and Krsna. This is helpful when it is a natural symptom of spiritual advancement. But it is detrimental when, out of an unhealthy psychology, we either feel unworthy of receiving Krsna’s grace, or feel unworthy of being loved by Krsna. Spiritual unworthiness and material unworthiness are not the same. One is a by-product of a high level of Krsna consciousness and the other is a symptom of an unhealthy mental or emotional state. Is it possible for conditioned souls to develop healthy feeling of unworthiness? If so, what would this look like? And how do we know when those feelings are not Krsna conscious but signs of an emotional weakness or problem? We look at these and similar questions in this newsletter.

(This newsletter is adapted from a lecture I gave in Israel in June of 2012.)

May you always think of Krsna.

Mahatma das

Isn’t It Artificial?      
It is an elementary understanding of Krsna consciousness that this world is a perverted reflection of the spiritual world. We learn that qualities and characteristics that are undesirable (such as jealousy, anger, sulking, envy, etc.) have their pure “all-good” spiritual counterparts. What may look like a material defect, or even a mental or emotional illness, can be a symptom of an elevated state of Krsna consciousness. Thus, we sometimes see advanced devotees exhibiting extreme lamentation, self-denigration or hopelessness as aspects of their Krsna consciousness.

How are we to relate to this? Can we follow in their footsteps? Is there a kind of lamentation, self-denigration, and hopelessness that’s suitable to our level of Krsna consciousness? If there is, how can we not become discouraged by such feelings?

Feelings of unworthiness have their place in our lives, and can inspire us if these feelings are genuine and appropriate to our level of Krsna consciousness. To come to a level of feeling genuine spiritual unworthiness, we first need to overcome our material feelings of unworthiness. Why? Because these material feelings are not healthy for our bhakti.

Let us first look at feelings of unworthiness that are detrimental to our advancement.

Who Is Worthy To Get Krsna?
Devotees often feel unworthy to receive Krsna’s mercy, kindness, and love, feeling that Krsna is throwing pearls to a swine. More often than not, such feelings are mixed with, or result from, a material sense of unworthiness (I am bad, I am dirty, I am foolish, I am…). So let’s first understand that the Lord doesn’t exactly see us as we may see ourselves.

Everybody, by Mahaprabhu’s mercy, is worthy of Krsna’s love and thus worthy to become Krsna conscious. How did we all become worthy? What did we do?

Actually, we didn’t do anything. All we did was exist. By being a spirit soul (which obviously doesn’t take any doing on our part), we are qualified for the Lord’s mercy. Mahaprabhu’s love is so great that every living being is an object of His affection. Indeed, it is not possible for Him to not love us.

Now, you might say, “Why would Krsna care about me? I am insignificant. Besides, I don’t even like Krsna that much. I try to imitate Him, I neglect Him, I take things from Him, I criticize His devotees, and I always think about my own enjoyment.”

Despite all this, Krsna always cares about us. How do we know? If He didn’t care about us, then why would He empower His holy name with prema (i.e. why does he give away prema through his holy Name)? If Krsna didn’t want a relationship with us, why did He send so many of His eternal associates to come to this world to bring us back to Him, despite our faults and disqualifications to engage in His service? If Krsna didn’t love us, why did He send Srila Prabhupada to go out of his way to save us from our material lives and offer us a one-way ticket to the spiritual world?

This is just a fragment of the evidence that shows how much Krsna cares about every one of us. There is nothing we can do, aside from continued blasphemy of, or willing disobedience to Krsna’s pure devotees that would make us unworthy of Krsna’s love. Still, even if we believe we are truly unworthy, this makes us even more qualified to receive His mercy. Just as being poor qualifies one to receive welfare from the government, disqualification is the very cause of being worthy of the Lord’s mercy. If Mahaprabhu were selling love of Krsna for the price of qualification, He would have closed His shop long ago having gone out of business for lack of customers.

Krsna Cares For Every Soul
Abnormal feelings of unworthiness can be caused by being (or feeling) unloved or denigrated by others, or by personal failures in life. In this unhealthy state, we can feel ourselves so low, impure, unintelligent, or unqualified, that even God couldn’t find a reason to love us.

A devotee once asked Srila Prabhupada, “Why would Krsna care about me? He has so many devotees. He has the gopis, the cowherd boys, His mother and father and so many servants.”

We might feel this way as well. After all, we know we are not perfect and not always Krsna conscious. So we can easily think, “Why would Krsna care about me? Krsna has so many loving devotees and I don’t even have a drop of love for Him. Why would He even want to associate with such a lowly person as I?”

Prabhupada explained that if you cut your finger, you try to save it. You don’t say to the doctor, “Just let my finger fall off, I have nine other fingers.” Similarly, Krsna doesn’t think, “I have so many other devotees, so who cares about you?” He doesn’t think like this because everyone is dear to Krsna.

We Give Krsna Unique Pleasure
Visvanatha Chakravarti Thakura describes that every living entity has a unique relationship with Krsna, and thus Krsna experiences unique pleasure from every individual relationship. In other words, Krsna relishes a unique taste from His relationship with every one of us. This means He is anxious to taste that specific rasa with each of us. Not only that, He has a unique way of reciprocating with each one of us; a unique taste that He offers to each and every relationship.

So it’s not that Krsna is ambivalent about us. He very much wants a relationship with us, so much so that He is actively trying to get us back into that relationship. The problem is not that Krsna doesn’t care about the relationship; the difficulty only comes when we don’t care enough about the relationship. This means the problem is not that Krsna feels we are unworthy of a relationship; the problem is we don’t feel worthy of the relationship.

(This may also mean that feelings of unworthiness are sometimes excuses we make to ourselves to avoid properly working on our relationship with Krsna.)

We Are Misunderstanding Krsna’s Affection
If somebody gives us a gift, we might feel unworthy of accepting it, but out of respect, and to reciprocate affection, we accept the gift nonetheless. After all, it would be rude not to accept someone’s expression of love for us because we feel unworthy of it. Similarly, Krsna gives us the gift of Himself in His holy name, in the spiritual master, in the sanga of devotees, in His temples, through his arca murti – in so many ways – and it is a rejection of His affection to say, “No, I am not going to accept these gifts because I am not worthy of them.” If we did say that, Krsna would reply, “It doesn’t matter that you are not qualified. I am giving you Myself. Being worthy isn’t My criteria. I give Myself to you, not because you are worthy, but because I love you. “So it’s not a question of whether or not we are worthy. It comes down to receiving Krsna’s love.

Krsna is called Rasaraja, the king of relationships. Krsna thrives on relationships, and if Krsna wants a relationship with us, we can’t deny Him by saying, “No, just don’t expect much reciprocation from me because I’m not worthy of a relationship with You. ”Are we so foolish as to say to Krsna, “I am unavailable to you?”

Stop Putzing Around
There is an expression in Yiddish called “putzing.” If someone is “putzing around” it means they are being busy doing a lot of useless activities that amount to nothing. “Putzing around” basically means, as Bob Dylan sang, “Being busy doing nothing.”

We are all very busy in the material world doing millions of things that ultimately amount to nothing more than preparing our next birth. In other words, we tend to be expert at “putzing around.” Have you ever been in a rush to make an appointment and you call for one of your family members to get in the car, but they are holding you up by being busy doing nothing of much consequence? In the same way Krsna is calling us to leave this world because we are “putzing around” here, doing a million unimportant things that amount only to holding Him up.
Krsna is saying, “I’ve got a place for you in My home. Your spiritual body is ready for you; your service is ready for you; all arrangements are there for your eternal stay. Stop ‘putzing around’ and come back home!”

Krsna Is Waiting For Us
In Mayapur, Jananivasa Prabhu said in a class that it seems awkward that Madhava (Maypura’s Deity) is playing His flute because Krsna plays His flute to call Radharani and the gopis. Since Radharani and the gopis are already there (on the altar in Mayapur), Krsna doesn’t need to play the flute. So why is He playing it? He’s playing His flute to call us. His flute sings a song that goes something like this: “Come home. I am waiting for you. Stop “putzing around.” What are you doing that’s so important?”

At the end of a class I gave at a college in India earlier this year, the Dean of the college expressed his feelings thusly. “What’s the problem if I stay in the material world life after life if I am happy; I do good karma, serve others, and don’t hurt anybody?”

I told him, “Krsna wants you to come back to Him. He’s waiting for you.” I could sense that he appreciated this answer. Later that evening he enthusiastically told me, “You made me realize that Krsna is waiting for me.”

This is how we should also think. Thoughts of being worthy or not are simply getting in the way of the real fact that Krsna is waiting for us.

Do You Want To Dance With Krsna?
Srila Prabhupada would often end his lectures with encouraging words. Sometimes he would say that one day you will see Krsna face to face just like we are seeing one another. At other times he would say that someday you will dance with Krsna. When Srila Prabhupada makes promises like this, we shouldn’t say, “Yeah but not me. I am too useless. I am not worthy or qualified.” That translates into, “Nah, I’ll just be staying down here putzing around. That’s all I am good for.”

Krsna is waiting to dance with us. What fools we are to make excuses not to join the dance?

The All-Attractive Tries To Attract Us
Krsna didn’t have to come to the material world. Yet He came and performed His lilas to attract us back to Him. In fact, everything that Krsna does is ultimately done for this purpose. In other words, He only acts to help us re-establish our relationship with Him. He creates the material world to give us a chance to reform ourselves and He performs His pastimes to attract our mind and heart to Him. This means He performs His pastimes to awaken our love for Him. Try to feel this affection when you hear His lilas and try to feel Him calling you into a relationship with Him. When you read between the lines of the Srimad Bhagavatam you can hear Krsna saying, “Please accept My love. Please join Me in My eternal lila.”

Krsna Attracts Us Through His Devotees
Similarly, when reading Srila Prabhupada’s purports, behind the words you can feel Prabhupada showering love and compassion. Of course, the message of the purport is there, but behind the message allow yourself to feel the love that Srila Prabhupada has for you and me, and all conditioned souls.

Prabhupada’s love for us is further evidence of Krsna’s love for us. Prabhupada is a messenger of Krsna’s love, and thus he loves us all without discrimination. Prabhupada loves everyone to such a degree that he never rejects anyone, no matter how fallen, who is willing to serve Krsna.

Positive Unworthiness
Still, as stated earlier, there are proper feelings of unworthiness appropriate to our level of advancement. These feelings are both natural and helpful for bhakti. So what are these natural feelings for neophyte devotees and how do they manifest?

Feelings of unworthiness manifest in two prominent ways in the stage of vaidhi sadhana bhakti: appreciation and humility. Appreciation manifests in gratitude that Krsna accepts us and our service despite our past sins and present faults as long as we simply make a sincere effort to serve Him and Srila Prabhupada. Even though unqualified, Krsna mercifully gives us lots of service. As we meditate on how Krsna allows us, even though unqualified, to be engaged in His service, our appreciation for Him and the service He gives us grows. Thus, feelings of unworthiness help us see our service as a precious gift that we are blessed to have.

Feeling unworthy also makes us feel helpless. Taken in the correct way, helplessness is a manifestation of humility in accordance with our present level of Krsna consciousness. It manifests as a total dependence on Krsna for guidance, intelligence, and ability to do our service well – or sometimes even to do our service at all. It is through this kind of humility that we advance rapidly in Krsna consciousness. Thus, feelings of unworthiness, when exhibited in a Krsna conscious sense, become one of our greatest allies in sadhana bhakti, because humility is integral to advancing in Krsna consciousness.

The Bottom Line
So yes, we should feel unworthy. We don’t deserve Krsna’s love. We are not qualified to even be a devotee. We have turned our back on Krsna, we have competed with Him, we have disobeyed Him, and we have even tried to become like Him.

Still, Krsna overlooks all of this and forgives us. His desire for a relationship with us is so strong that He will not allow any of this to get in the way. As Krsna will not allow our own disqualifications to get in the way, we should also never allow our own disqualifications to get in our way. Rather, we should allow our feelings of unworthiness to bring us closer and closer to Krsna. This is what Krsna wants us to do.

In the Brihad-bhagavatamrita, when Gopakumar arrives in the spiritual world and first meets Krsna, the Lord tells him, “Why did you take so long? Why did you make me wait so long for you? I missed you so much.”

Yes, Krsna does miss us.  Let’s stop putzing around. Krsna is waiting for us.

Is it wrong to want to taste Krsna? Wouldn’t that desire be sense gratification? Shouldn’t we just serve without any personal desire? These are important questions to address.

There is a difference between taste in Krsna consciousness and sense gratification, although they can seem similar, and thus difficult to distinguish. We discuss this difference, as well as the necessity of developing the proper taste for Krsna consciousness.

(This newsletter is an edited transcription of a lecture I gave on Krsna.com).

May you always think of Krsna,

Mahatma Das

The Goal is to Gratify Krsna’s Senses

What is the motive behind sense gratification? It is simply to squeeze the maximum amount of pleasure out of our senses. This is the sum and substance of material life. It is also the sum and substance of animal life.

Our senses are also gratified in Krsna consciousness, but there’s a huge difference in the motive with which we engage our senses.

When a devotee reaches higher levels of Krsna consciousness, he is not focused on what will or will not make him happy. His only thoughts are how to make Krsna, his gurus, and the devotees happy, and how to give Krsna consciousness to others. In this way, a devotee never considers his personal happiness.

There Must Be Anxiety for Krsna

Non-devotees are often in a state of anxiety thinking, “Will this work out, will that work out?” These anxieties are, of course, related to personal well-being. A devotee however, is never in a state of anxiety about his personal life. Rather, his only anxiety is whether things will work out for Krsna’s service. This is the real stress relief formula. Once you stop worrying about yourself and start worry about making guru, Krsna, and others happy, your material anxieties will be gone.

Devotees once wanted to buy a huge church in Toronto to convert to a temple. Since it was very expensive, Srila Prabhupada told them not to get it because, “You’ll be buying anxiety.” When Prabhupada later returned to Toronto, he asked the temple president if he purchased the temple. The temple president said, “No, since it is so expensive we would be buying anxiety.” Amazingly, Prabhupada strongly replied, “There must be anxiety for Krsna. Otherwise, there will simply be anxiety for sense gratification.” So all of our anxiety should be in relation to how we can best serve Krsna and help others come to Krsna consciousness.

Hanker After Pleasing Guru and Krsna

When we get a taste for Krsna, we no longer hanker for material tastes, and thus we stop being self-centered. Therefore, the intelligent question is, “How can we get a taste for Krsna?” We get a taste for Krsna by not trying to taste maya. It is only when we are hankering to please guru and Krsna, and not calculating what will or will not make us happy, that we become happy in Krsna consciousness. (This is different from considering basic needs that must be fulfilled.)

“The wonderful characteristics of the gopés are beyond imagination. They have no desire for personal satisfaction, yet when Krsna is happy by seeing them, that happiness of Krsna makes the gopis a million times more happy than Krsna Himself.” (Adi 4.187)

Sense Gratification – An Addiction

Taste is a by-product of pleasing Krsna’s senses. Therefore, we should never run away from trying to gain a genuine taste in Krsna consciousness, thinking it to be sense gratification. Taste in Krsna consciousness is very different from the taste of sense gratification. One comes as a by-product of purified senses and the other as a by-product of lust.

“This taste is the seed of devotional service, and one who is fortunate enough to have received such a seed is advised to sow it in the core of his heart.” (SB 3.2.6)

“I see that you have acquired a taste for hearing talks regarding Krsna. Therefore, you are extremely fortunate. Not only you but anyone who has awakened such a taste is considered most fortunate.” (Antya 5.9)

Tasting is the Secret of Success

Taste for Krsna is juxtaposed to sense gratification. When we are hankering after sensual pleasure, or particularly when we are engaged in it, the so-called pleasure we get nullifies our senses’ ability to perceive, or desire, pleasure in Krsna consciousness. Conversely, a higher taste in Krsna consciousness nullifies the taste for sense gratification. When our taste for Krsna is strong, we will be disgusted to even think about past sense gratification. The very things that we used to hanker for, the things we used to love to do, eat, hear, talk about, see, etc., will become distasteful.

Devotees often ask me, “How will I know if I am making advancement?” You know you are advancing when material life becomes distasteful. Taste counteracts the desire for sense gratification. Thus, Srila Prabhupada tells us that taste is the “secret of success.”

Maya – The Attractive Energy of the All-Attractive

The problem is that since Krsna is all-attractive, His external energy maya, is also attractive (after all, it is His energy). Srila Prabhupada said maya means that other things become more attractive than Krsna.

I was listening to a conversation in which a devotee was telling Srila Prabhupada how some priests have girlfriends, get married, or become homosexuals. It was even common for some priests to become alcoholics. Prabhupada replied, “Yes, they must fall down because they are not getting a taste.” So without Krsna we are guaranteed to be attracted by maya, even if we don’t want to be, and even if we try hard not to be. We do not “fight maya” simply with discipline. We fight maya through the taste that engagement  in Krsna consciousness gives us.

“The more the taste grows, the more one desires to render service to the Lord.” (Madhya Lila  23.12)

Anarthas Won’t Make Us Happy

We are unfortunate if we believe anything outside of Krsna consciousness will give us a taste in life. The irony is that the stage of ruci (or taste for Krsna), which gives us real happiness and pleasure, comes after material desires are given up. In other words, the material things we think will make us happy are actually the very things that prevent us from being happy.

Planting the Seed of Bhakti in Others

Srila Prabhupada once said in a letter written in January 10, 1972, “Our business is simply to plant the seed of devotional service wherever we go, and to give everyone a taste of this transcendental experience.” If people get a transcendental experience, or taste, it will be a huge faith builder for them because they will experience pleasure beyond the senses. And when people get a taste for Krsna, they will want more.

In the Caitanya Caritamrta it is said that Mahaprabhu tasted the fruits of love of God, and then distributed those fruits. “He taught everyone how to taste the transcendental mellow ecstasy of love of Krsna by tasting it Himself.” (Adi 13.39)

Purification for Taste

Taste comes by purification of the senses. Krsna is tasteful, and only purified senses can taste Krsna. In the Harinama Cintamani it is said, “When one’s heart is purified, one’s interest and taste for culturing bhakti begins.”

It is essential that we understand taste as an experience that results from relishing Krsna consciousness with purified senses, and that taste has nothing to do with material motivation. Taste is something all great devotees hanker for. Even the Lord Himself hankers for it.

“What to speak of others, even Krsna, the son of Nanda Maharaja, personally descends to taste the nectar of love of Godhead in the form of the chanting of Hare Krsna.” (Antya 3.265)

Monitoring the Taste-O-Meter

In one lecture Srila Prabhupada asked, “How do you monitor whether or not  you’re becoming Krsna conscious?” His response was, “By your detachment. By your freedom from sex desire.” Caitanya Mahaprabhu says, “How do you know an advanced devotee? You know by his taste for the holy name.”

If we see ourselves becoming more inclined and attracted to Krsna, we are on the right track. However, if we see ourselves becoming more attracted to mundane things, we should understand something is wrong. So taste is a useful meter with which to monitor our advancement.

“Therefore, one’s development of a taste for executing these instructions is the test of one’s devotional service.” (Adi 1.60)

And what is the result of chanting without taste? Bhaktivinoda Thakura answers this question in the Harinama Cintamani.

“Though chanting japa daily, if his taste is elsewhere, he will show indifference to the name. His heart will not be absorbed in chanting the name but in some material object. How can that benefit him? He may chant 64 rounds counting strictly on his japa beads, but in his heart he has not received one drop of the taste of the name. This indifference or apathy towards the name is one type of inattention. In the heart of a materialist it is unavoidable.”

Riding Downhill

Ruci is compared to riding downhill because in this stage of Krsna consciousness we are motivated by a taste to serve, not by rules and regulations. Before we have a taste, we must make a constant effort to control ourselves. At the stage of ruci, such efforts are not required since our taste for Krsna is the motivating factor. As the saying goes, “It is all downhill from there.”

Don’t Run Away From Taste

If you have the idea in your mind that, “I shouldn’t want taste,” understand that we’ll always be motivated by taste. So it’s just a question of what kind of taste will motivate us. Just as material taste is drawing us closer to maya, spiritual taste is drawing us closer to Krsna.

“To taste the fruit of devotional service in Goloka Vrindavana is the highest perfection of life, and in the presence of such perfection, the four material perfections — religion, economic development, sense gratification and liberation — are very insignificant achievements.” (Madhya 19.164)

We should want taste, pray for taste, and hanker for taste. We need taste.

“When one is so situated that he can taste the association of Lord Krsna, material existence, the repetition of birth and death, comes to an end.” (Madhya 20.121)

What Are You Afraid Of?

Don’t be afraid of tasting Krsna consciousness. Be afraid of enjoying Krsna consciousness. We want to serve Krsna, not enjoy Krsna. The paradox is that if we serve, we end up enjoying Krsna consciousness. Krsna consciousness is not derived from the desire to enjoy. Indeed, it is pleasure that removes the desire to enjoy.

We Are Ordered to Relish Krsna Consciousness

Perfection is to taste the nectar of Krsna consciousness.

“The nectar from the lips of Lord Krsna and His transcendental qualities and characteristics surpass the taste of the essence of all nectar, and there is no fault in tasting such nectar. If one does not taste it, he should die immediately after birth, and his tongue is to be considered no better than the tongue of a frog.” (Madhya 2.32)

I apologize in advance for the length of this newsletter. I couldn’t do the topic justice without making it longer than my typical newsletter. The information I offer goes very deep into a part of our psychology that is not easily understood (or not easily accepted). Thus, I needed more space to insure that the message, and its application, would be clear.

This article outlines one of the foundational points for a new workshop I recently developed called the Re-Creation Workshop. The workshops deals with understanding our psychological conditioning from the Vedantic perspective and using the knowledge to live in alignment with our ideals.

This article can do much to help you deal with ways of thinking and behaving you would like to change. I suggest reading it several times. The message is simple, but since it is simple it can easily be taken as “I know that.” My experience is that much of what we know is not deeply engrained within us. My hope is that this newsletter will implant what we know a little deeper in our hearts and thus make it come alive.

So what is the newsletter about? It is about deeper levels of our material conditioning that appear virtually impossible to overcome – and how to deal with this.

We all deal with our “demons,” and despite repeated attempts we often fail to overcome – or even keep at bay – some of our most deeply seated anarthas. So we continue in hopes that our anarthas will eventually be cleansed by the process of sadhana bhakti. Yet after years of practice, when some anarthas still have their grip on us, we naturally question whether we will ever overcome them in this life.

In this newsletter, we look at a solution to this problem that is so simple it escapes many of us. And we then analyze this solution according to the modes of nature.

Stick with the article it to the end. It will be well worth your time.

May you always think of Krsna.

Mahatma das

The Solution Is In Your Hands
Some internal problems we face are persistent. They remain with us, to one degree or another, despite repeated attempts to resolve them, or even after we think they have been resolved. Thus, it is common to feel there is little we can do about such anarthas.

There is a simple solution, but it is not simplistic. Profound truths are almost always simple. Yet, because they are simple, they are often overlooked, ignored or even scoffed at.

Prabhupada said, “Krsna consciousness is so simple you can miss it.”

The solution I suggest is commitment.

In most cases, our problems persist because we are not deeply committed to overcoming them. (There are reasons for this, and we will discuss them in this newsletter.)

Your first reaction might be, “That is too easy. It cannot work for my problems. Some of my anarthas have been pulling me around for years.”

You might think that your problems require a thorough analysis of their cause, and a detailed, long term and rigorous step-by-step process to overcome them. Granted, in some cases this is true, but it is my experience these are the exceptions, and are usually cases in which there has been severe emotional damage or trauma.

In the majority of cases, will power reigns supreme. In my counseling work I find that almost everyone underestimates the strength of their own willpower. Thus, they don’t realize that solutions are almost always within their own hands. It is like are denying that we have free will choices. (Excuses are normally an erroneous attempt to prove we can’t do anything about a situation).

Just Be Sincere
When Prabhupada was asked how to become sincere, he replied, “By being sincere.” He went on to explain that you become a drunkard by drinking, or a thief by stealing, so you become sincere by being sincere. In other words, you take it upon yourself to do your bhakti sincerely.

“Well, Prabhu, how can I just be sincere? I mean, how do you do that?”

“You just do it.”

“Is that all there is to it?”

“Yes.”

“That’s too simple.”

“That’s the point!”

Another time he said if you don’t feel like dancing in the kirtan, dance anyway.

“Prabhu, how do you do that? I mean, how can you do something joyous like dancing in a kirtan if you are feeling miserable?

Step 1: Stand up.
Step 2: Move your feet.
Step 3: Raise your hands.
Step 4: Jump up and down.
Step 5: Chant Hare Krsna.

That’s all there is to it. That’s not that difficult, is it?

By the way, if you do that you probably won’t feel miserable for long. If you act in a certain way, even thought the action has no correlation to your mentality, the action will change your mentality. As Prabhuapada said, “Bow down even if you don’t feel like it, and by doing so you will feel like bowing down.”

I Do Not See The Way Out of Here
We often psych ourselves out by thinking we cannot overcome a problem when the only thing stopping us is our lack of commitment, our lack of just doing it. We often get caught in the trap of thinking that the problem is so deep, or so complex, that we cannot imagine a way out of it.

Here is a typical example: many devotees tell me they would like to get up early, but are unable to do it. So they ask me, “How can I get up early?”

By now you might be able to guess what I tell them.

“Just get up early.”

Most devotees don’t expect – or even want – that answer. I think they want a magic bullet: a mantra, a magic potion, or a Mahatma sutra that just gets them up early. Or perhaps they thought I could tell them where to buy a mystic mattress that automatically gets them up at their desired time.

Nothing just gets us up early. We get ourselves up early.

Do You Really Want It?
If you really want to get up early, you can do it, even without an alarm clock. Of course, “if you really want to,” is the key. When asking yourself how to do anything that has been difficult for you to do, ask if you really want it. If you do not really want it, you will find great difficulty committing to it.

“If you don’t get what you want, it is a sign that you did not seriously want it, or you tried to bargain over the price.” ~ Rudyard Kipling.

This is a simple point; so simple we sometimes miss it. Let’s see how this works in real life.

In my forgiveness workshop, I ask the question, “If Krsna offered to remove your resentment immediately, would you take up His offer?” You might think everyone would answer, “Yes.”

Not everyone does. Many hesitate because they believe their offender does not deserve their forgiveness. I ask this question to demonstrate that if they are reluctant to forgive, I won’t be able to help them much. Nothing I say, and not even the forgiveness processes I offer them, will work unless they are open, in principle, to allowing the resentment to go. If they are unwilling to “let go,” they “just won’t do it” despite the many good reasons to forgive.

Of course, often we require “many good reasons” to bring us to the point of committing.  Thus, knowledge is often an important – or even essential – ingredient in the commitment process. Or we require good association to increase our motivation. Yet, the “I know I should, but…” syndrome is a serious and pervasive disease. You can lead a horse to water but … You know the rest of the story.

By the way, knowledge of what and why you should do something causes increased misery when you don’t do it. “I know I should, but…” is not a happy mantra. So, if you don’t know what you are supposed to be doing, you won’t regret not doing it. “Ignorance is bliss” does have some useful applications.

Rise and Shine
Let’s look at the problem of knowing what to do and apply it to getting up early.

Let’s say I came up with a workshop on rising early. We’ll call it “The Early Bird Workshop.” In this workshop I am going to give attendees every good reason under the sun (I mean, under the moon) to get up early. Plus, I will offer them every possible technique to get their bodies upright and their eyes open before the sun rises (including offering a devise that automatically turns their lights and stereo on at 4 am. Plus, I will have a selection of CDs for early rising that include such sounds as bhramastra weapons exploding, dogs, jackals and coyotes howling, and a heavy metal band playing out-of-tune guitars and singing completely off key. I mean that ought to get them up, right?).

Sounds like a great workshop to me.

Do you think everyone in the workshop will become an early riser for the rest of their life? Most will start rising earlier for a while, but only those who commit will stay with it. If you have attended my japa workshop, you know by now that the most important thing you can do to chant well is commit to good japa on a daily basis. Trying to build a good japa practice with the blocks of wisdom you receive at a workshop only works when built on the foundation of commitment.

Those who decide that getting up early is what they are going to do, come hell or high water, won’t need the workshop or those nasty CDs. In fact, they won’t even need an alarm clock! They’ll just get up. Hey, if this newsletter goes viral it will put the alarm clock industry out of business.

That’s It
“So, why can’t I just do it? I mean I want to do it and I know I should do it, so what’s holding me back?” It may be because there is something you are getting from the anartha. Maybe you get some form of pleasure, comfort, or satisfaction. Maybe you get control or ego gratification. Maya is such a good magician that she makes us think that maintaining anarthas is a source of pleasure. If we think like this, rather than committing to overcoming anarthas, we keep them well fed and protected. Although they are anartha (without value) we see them as artha (with value).

If you think this might be true in your case, make a list of what you are getting from your anarthas and what it is costing you to maintain it. I trust you will realize that the costs don’t justify the benefits.

“The price of discipline is less than the pain of regret.”

The sad truth is we usually don’t realize there is something we are getting from our anarthas that we are unwilling to give up. When this happens, it is common to justify our weakness with numerous disempowering arguments and slogans. We assert a weakness or disability as an excuse and thus so called succeed by failing. Of course, this doesn’t change our behavior, but it does a good job at subduing guilt.

I was once contemplating a strategy to overcome a persistent problem. As I thought about my situation, I realized that I have an attachment that is so deeply rooted within my being that if I just do not say, “That is it, we are finished with this,” this attachment will endlessly continue to get the best of me. Yes, bhakti does produce detachment, but unless we are sufficiently detaching ourselves from unfavorable thoughts and actions, we won’t be practicing bhakti well enough for it to completely and naturally eradicate our attachments at their core.

So sometimes all we need is this one little mantra –“That’s it!”- to put an end to an attachment that never seems to stop bothering us. It is a powerful mantra. Think of something right now you would like to throw this mantra at.

Okay, did you think of it?

Now tell yourself anartha, “That’s it! I am done giving this anartha any more energy.”

The Modes
Looking at our discussion from the perspective of the modes of nature is helpful. “I know I should but…” is a textbook description of the mode of ignorance. In the mode of ignorance, determination doesn’t go beyond the dreaming or contemplation stage.

Passion is different. Passion says, “You need to get more done.” You thus stay up late trying to get everything done, and trying to finish the rounds you couldn’t finish during your busy day. You don’t necessarily sleep too much, you just stay up late to get as much done as you can. Since you then rise late the next morning, soon after you rise you start feeling the pressure of day. Thus, you find it difficult to go concentrate on your chanting.

Although you know this is wrong, passion won’t let you slow down. Thus, again you’ll work late into the evening, knock off your last rounds half asleep, and get up late the next morning. Sometimes you jump on your computer or smart phone to check your messages and email right after you get up. You know this is wrong, but …

Passion is the enemy of the mantra “That’s it, I’ve had enough.” In passion, the hope and optimism to keep achieving covers any acknowledgment that this activity is not working for me, for my family, or for my spiritual life. In passion we never say, “Since it is not making me happy, since it is not helping me, since it’s not in alignment with bhakti, I should give it up.” In passion we say, “I can still do it all but I will get more serious about bhakti and I will simplify my life.” But this never happens.

This change only happens when you come to goodness.

Goodness is the platform from which you can choose to act the way you prefer. It is the “I know I should and I will do it” platform of existence.  You determine right goals, determine right ways to reach them, and then perform those right actions. “Just Do It” is the textbook mantra of goodness.

So when sastra tells us such things as, “Be enthusiastic,” “Be patient,” or, “Be tolerant,” they are appealing to us to act in goodness. Otherwise, in passion or ignorance it doesn’t seem possible that you can just do something simply because it is the right thing to do. And it is from passion and ignorance that you hit a dead end and helplessly ask such questions as, “How do I get out of this mess?” “How do I improve?” “How do I change?” or make the excuse (which we think is an astute observation) that you can’t “Just Do It.” Ignorance and passion are full of excuses that are logical only to the persons making them.

You Have The Power
The attitude and understanding that we have the power to deal with or overcome many difficult problems or obstacles makes a huge difference in our lives. Prabhupada clearly expressed this mood and understanding whenever he was told that some devotees were having difficulty following their initiation vows.

(Initiation vows are a big topic and I am not addressing them here since I have addressed vows in other newsletters. My intention is not to condemn those who cannot follow their vows perfectly, but to help all of us understand that we can do more to follow than we often think we can.)

When told that some devotees were not chanting their rounds, Prabhupada asked if they were eating and sleeping. He said that if they cannot finish their rounds, then they should reduce the time they spend for eating or sleeping in order to make time to finish their rounds. In other words, Prabhupada is saying if you are committed to finishing your rounds, you will do whatever it takes to keep your vow.

Prabhupada’s response to devotees who were being tossed around by difficulties was often in the mood of, “Why are you allowing yourself to fall into this condition?”

Apply The Process
Let’s apply what we are learning. Think of something you are doing that you would like to stop doing, or something you are not doing that you would like to start doing (or do more of), and write it down.

Good. Here’s what I want you to do.

On your mark!

Get set!

Go!

Commit to doing what you just wrote down!

You’ve Done it Before
You can do this. You’ve done it before. You made a huge commitment when you became serious about Krsna consciousness. You added new activities to your life and stopped old ones. How did you do this? You simply decided, “This is what I am going to do.” With this attitude, and despite the odds against you, you just did it. Even sex and drug-crazed hippies became sadhus, sometimes in a matter of days. This clearly demonstrates the power of “Just Do It” coupled with the process of bhakti and the mercy of guru and Krsna.

But I Am Not The Controller?
Now you might say, “But, Prabhu, it sounds like you are saying we are in control – that we can do whatever we set our minds to do. That sounds materialistic. That is not our philosophy. We are totally dependent on Krsna for our success.”

You are right, but it is a qualified “right.”

Once, a devotee asked Prabhupada if it was okay to pray to Krsna to overcome her problems. Prabhupada said, “Yes, you can pray if you also act to overcome the problems.” In other words, self-discipline is exactly what the words describe – you control yourself. So where does Krsna come in? He gives us the strength and determination we require to overcome our problems. However, before He does this, we must first commit. As Prabhupada often said, Krsna did not tell Arjuna to go to sleep, and that He would do everything. No. Krsna said you must fight, and then I will do everything.

Krsna will run with you, but He won’t run for you. We require a level of faith that speaks to our heart that, “I can do this because Krsna will help me.” Do you think it’s difficult for Krsna to get you up early in the morning? He can lift Govardhana Hill with His pinky, so getting you out of bed is a breeze for Him. But He is not even going to try if you don’t sincerely want His help. So all we have to do is want something badly enough to attract Krsna’s attention. Then if Krsna helps us, we have nothing to worry about.

I Committed, The Problem Is Still There
A common scenario is that you commit, yet the anartha remains. When you commit, it does not always mean the anartha goes away. It is Krsna’s business to purify you of anarthas, in His own time, according to your application of the process of bhakti. The anarthas are purified on different levels of bhakti. It is up to you to properly apply the process of bhakti, but it is up to Krsna when you reach those higher levels of Krsna consciousness.

What you do have control of right now is the power anarthas have over you. Your commitment is to refuse to be subservient to the demands of your anarthas. As you commit, the intensity of the problems the anartha cause you subsides.

As long as one has the material body, the demands of the body for sense gratification will continue. The devotee, however, is not disturbed by such desires, because of his fullness. (Bhagavad-gita Purport, Chapter Two, Text 70).

This is really just the ABCs of bhakti, but somehow we often forget this simple truth and become discouraged by the presence of unwanted desires in our heart.

Once, a devotee said to Prabhupada, “It’s difficult to control my tongue.” Prabhupada said, “I know, I also have a tongue,” indicating that the pushing and pulling of the senses exist for all who have a material body. The important point is how you deal with it.

This is could be the topic of an entire article. The ability to resist falling prey to, or becoming discouraged by, the presence of material desires, is essential for remaining enthusiastic in devotional service, despite the “valid reasons” to be discouraged.

Yeah, but…
Now maybe you are saying, “Yeah, this all sounds good but…”

Oh no, the “but” word again. You know what you are doing to yourself when you say “but?” You are giving yourself all the good reasons why you must fail. You are building a case for why you cannot do something. I guess this makes sense if you don’t want to do it and you need a dose of self-pity. In that case, “but” is quite useful.

Hopefully, you don’t live in these dark regions of consciousness. Still, it is important to look a little further at what “but” means.

“But” is an argument for your limitations, and when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep those limitations. “But” will cause you to procrastinate, to hide behind fear, and come up with all kinds of excuses to validate inaction.

“But” is a paralyzing word and a classic mode of ignorance response.

Many devotees say, “But I tried a few times and it did not work out.”  They then use this as an excuse to stop trying. Don’t worry. If at first you don’t succeed, you are normal. Success comes after many failures. Every master was first a disaster.Moreover, you won’t fail unless you give up.

So, “Just Do It.” No one else is going to do it for you.

If you still have doubts, remember this: your life gets better when you get better and nothing gets better if you don’t get better.

Do Something
Before we end this newsletter I have one request. Please commit to something you know you should be doing, or doing better, and experience for yourself the power of “Just Do It.” You can start with something as simple as committing to totally absorb yourself in one round a day, or reading one verse of sastra every day. Just commit to something so you can begin strengthening the “muscle” that enables you to determine what you want to do and allows you to do it, and that prevents you from being a puppet in the hands of the modes of nature. In other words, your mind, senses and emotions control your life when you (as in spirit soul) don’t.

Don’t spend half your life telling others what you are going to do and the other half explaining why you didn’t do it.

Before releasing this article, I posted my advice to “Just Do It” on Facebook, and much discussion followed. As I said, some felt this was too simplistic a solution, while others said they already apply this solution with great success. One devotee said he applied this strategy to overcome his addiction to alcohol.

After reflecting on this exchange, I concluded that Krsna’s instruction to, “Just surrender unto Me,” is really another way of saying, “Just Do It.” Of course, it took convincing to bring Arjuna to this position, and Krsna brought Arjuna step-by-step to the point of accepting His will. Yet, by saying “surrender” Krsna is telling Arjuna to forget the step-by-step process and just go for it. To me, this kind of surrender is like diving into a river on a cold morning as opposed to going in the river step-by-step. The goal is the same, but one takes a lot longer to get to the same place. In other words, in the end we still have to dunk our head under the water.

Krsna said “surrender,” and Arjuna finally did. He picked up his weapons and fought like anything.
Arjuna won the war, regained his kingdom, pleased Krsna and became purified, showing us that great power comes by following words of guru and Krsna. So let us never underestimate the power of “Just Do It.”

Which also goes to prove that Nike was right all along.

I came across this lecture by Srila Prabhupada’s early disciple Yamuna Devi. It is so wonderful that I thought make it this month’s newsletter. (Plus, I am writing a book to go with a new preaching program I am developing and need to focus my writing time on this project).

I trust this will both inspire and help you as much as it helped me.

Your servant,

Mahatma das

 Adventures in Krishna Consciousness — Chanting the Holy Names

Transcript of a talk by Yamuna devi dasi @ the Pune Yatra 2001

Radhanath Maharaja has requested that my god sisters and I speak something. Last night, after we left the transcendental program and before I took rest, I was thinking how incongruous it was — you know, I have been a devotee for thirty-odd years, and it’s quite rare that I am asked to speak. In fact, it’s extremely unusual, so I am not practiced at it. And as I told you yesterday, I rarely spoke when Srila Prabhupada was here. He asked various disciples to speak, but I told him clearly that I wasn’t comfortable with this, and he was a little kind upon me and only on occasion he would ask me to speak. So, anyway, I’ll fumble through as best as I can.

So, Maharaja gave this broad assignment of Srila Prabhupada. And I was thinking what I could speak on—because yesterday I asked, “If you please,do you have any questions in regard to Srila Prabhupada the person —something you don’t find in books that have been written, or that you can’t grasp, or that you are hungry for upon seeing him on film or hearing his disciples glorify him on tape, something I may speak on?” But nobody asked me a question, except one prabhu about five minutes ago.

So, when I came this morning and sat down to japa amidst you all for the first time, again I was awestruck by your company. It was like “surround sound.” If you are ever in a recording studio — it’s a bit high tech —there are many tracks that can be recorded upon, and when you sit in the listening room and the sound comes on and the mixing is correct, you are surrounded in all directions with that sound—from the four directions: left and right, up and down. So, I felt like that. Just being in your company I was surrounded by your bhakti, your prayer, the repetition of the vibration of the maha-mantra, and again I was overcome by the quality of your association. And I spontaneously began to…in my japa I tried to focus in on what I am doing, because of all the regulative principles, the most important principle given to us was to chant sixteen rounds of japa. And I have been immersed for so many years in the  offensive stage of chanting that just last year, when I was reflecting on what I wanted to change most in my spiritual life for this year, it was to try very hard to move to the clearing stage of chanting the holy name. And as I was focusing in, I remembered so many instances when I had been with Srila Prabhupada and had an exchange with him in this area of japa, and I thought I could  share those pastimes with you. In so many ways they might inspire you as they inspired me. Because as I mentioned yesterday, we have this little time gap that seems to separate us so that Srila Prabhupada was with us from 1965, when he sailed on the Jaladuta and arrived in Boston Harbor and we have the history of his activities through November 14, 1977.

Today I would like you to experience a journey through time, so that perhaps you can do more than just hear what I heard from Srila Prabhupada; you can feel what I felt. So let’s just try. We’ll go back to the 1990s and 1980s and way back into the 1970s.

The first incident that strikes me profoundly is something that took place in Akash Ganga, in Mumbai. I think it was 1971, and although I wasn’t stationed in Mumbai very much, on occasion Srila Prabhupada called my husband and me there for service, or sometimes for sankirtana or some function — a pandal perhaps — and on occasion to report to him on some service we were doing. This was during the morning japa period. Yesterday, when Radhanath Maharaja gave the schedule for today, he said,“Please be prompt; everyone be there at 7:30 tomorrow morning,” and he said we would chant for two hours. So similarly, in all of our temples, there is this time allotted for all of us to chant japa together. And this was at that time one morning.

To give you a little bit of the setting of the inside, we had the entire seventh floor of this building; the front two rooms overlooked the sea. One of the rooms was the master bedroom—that was Srila Prabhupada’s room—and the other was the Lord’s living area, our temple room. Coming off that was a hallway, with first the kitchen on one side, and then what was called the office, and then a few rooms in the back, maybe for living quarters.

When it came time for japa, more or less everyone was in the temple room, and in those days it was the habit that sometimes the men would chant in a circle, kind of walking quickly. They would get really immersed, and they would walk, maybe because they were tired, or whatever the reason, but “Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare,” and they would go around in a circle. So, that was going on. And some people were sitting in various stages of japa; I was one of those disciples. We were chanting in front of the arca-vigraha form of Sri Sri Radha-Rasabihari, who are now in Juhu.

Then Srila Prabhupada walked in from his bedroom and got on his vyasasana. He didn’t say a word; he was just looking at us chanting our japa. I immediately became aware of his presence. We all paid our respectful obeisances to him, and rather than immersing himself, he became intently focused on each and every one of us in the room. Other than on this occasion, I have never experienced that anywhere to such a degree. It became very profound. You’ve heard some devotees say that when Srila Prabhupada looked at you he saw you and he saw through you and he saw the past, present, and future — he just saw so much. So, during that japa period he was looking very intensely at each disciple, and something very, very transcendental happened. All of a sudden, the men who were walking around in circle sat down. And all of a sudden, devotees started to sit up very straight. Right now people are in various stages of leaning over, but there is something very powerful about sitting with one’s back nice and straight, the shoulders back . . . Just do it; you’ll feel what it is like. Right now—just sit up very straight, lift your head up, look ahead, and imagine yourself in great attention chanting japa in this way, all together. I felt as if we were a big lotus flower and Srila Prabhupada was in the whorl of the lotus flower, the center, and we were all these petals opening up around him in transcendental sound, and from Srila Prabhupada’s presence, the quality of the japa changed dramatically, without one word said.

And then straight away, of course, my foolishness — I had finished fourteen rounds, and I took out a little notepad. Malati mentioned this morning how I kept a little notebook, and I was actually going to record this moment because it had such a profound effect upon me. So, immediately, the first thing Prabhupada said to any of us was, “Yamuna, what are you doing?” I was so embarrassed. I said, “I am just writing something down, Srila Prabhupada.” He said, “Have you finished all your rounds?” I said, “No, I have two more to go.” He said, “No writing until you finish your rounds. Chant attentively and then write.”

So that’s one big instruction, which you can take as you wish. I have taken it a little seriously in my life. If I focus on my rounds first, in the brahma-muhurta hour without doing anything else — if I don’t write lists — then my day is different than if I do otherwise. Actually, I do build a fire in our wood stove at home because in our ashram we don’t have electricity or heaters — we have a wood stove that supplies the heat, so we start the wood stove in the morning beforehand, but other than that, we get up and chant and only chant.

So, then the next thing that happened was that there was a brahmacari present, Tatpura dasa, and Srila Prabhupada looked down at him and said, “Is that a clean bead bag?” Tatpura said, “No.” “How many bead bags do you have?” Srila Prabhupada asked. “I only have this one.” “You must have two, at least,” Srila Prabhupada told him. “Wash one, use it, and at the end of  day wash it and use the other one, so you have a clean bead bag every morning.”

So, those were the two instructions that I remember from that time. Srila Prabhupada was very brief in his instruction, but very deep in the scope of the ramifications of our behavior during this time when we were focused on the holy name with our japa-mala. And that was transcendental and glorious.

Another occasion that was very moving was in Indore, in December of ’71, at a pandal program, I believe at Gita Bhavan. The living quarters given to Srila Prabhupada were very pleasant. It was a large piece of land — about this size, maybe a little larger — and there was an outer perimeter wall with small kutiras. There were sadhus there, and activities were going on, and in one corner of the land there was a little hut with a fire in it, and a large iron cauldron and water that had been heated the night before. When  one wanted to take a bath, he went into that hut and got a few lotas full of nice warm water and mixed it into the cold so that the water was warm enough to bathe with. And Srila Prabhupada had one small room in that facility. There was also a hall, and rather than staying in his room, Srila Prabhupada would go into the hall to chant and do translation.

I was always a little hungry to experience Srila Prabhupada’s company, and in those days, perhaps it was youth, I was a little bold. Not as bold as Malati was, but all of us were so hungry to taste Srila Prabhupada’s company that we would try to slide in wherever we could to achieve that. So I found that Srila Prabhupada would chant and do his translation work in the hall in the morning. And one morning I got up at one o’clock, and I took my bead bag and Teachings of Lord Caitanya, which I was reading at the time, and really quite like a mouse, I slunk in through the back entrance and huddled in a little corner praying that Srila Prabhupadawouldn’t see me, that I would be able to stay in that space (there was nobody else in the room).

I generally chant with my eyes closed, and every once in a while I would just take a little peek to see if Srila Prabhupada was disturbed, or looking at me. And like that, I got to chant all my rounds there. Then I picked up my book and thought, Well, I have gotten this far; why don’t I do my studying now? So I picked up *Teachings of Lord Caitanya* and started to read, and right then Srila Prabhupada got up from what he was doing in front of the room and came to the back and looked down at me and said, “So what are you studying?” I said, “Teachings of Lord Caitanya,” and he said, “This is very nice.” He said, “Please study my books. I write my books so that you will read them and study them.” Then I said, a little boldly, “Srila Prabhupada, may I come back and chant japa here tomorrow morning?” and he said, “Yes, you can come.”

The impact of that was, again, tremendous. I was very hungry for this kind of association. Even at that time I understood that I was in this dark well of nescience and that a lifeline was being dropped down, one of the lifelines . . . No, I actually considered *the* lifeline to be this japa. And yet I have been so offensive to it over the years—as I say, in this offensive stage—but I know its importance.

As Srila Prabhupada lived with us and we lived with him, there were practically no closed doors, even when Srila Prabhupada took rest. During this period in India, he gave us access to him more or less twenty-four hours a day. This had not necessarily been so in the early phase I discussed yesterday—the *adi* phase, from 1966 through 1969. That had been very intimate, and Srila Prabhupada had taken personal care with each and every one of his disciples, because it was a small-enough family for him to do that. But in this phase in India, this *madhyama* period, for the first time, those of us who were with Srila Prabhupada got to see him in action  in a way that we hadn’t seen him in the West—he engineered everything. We had no idea how to function in India, and Srila Prabhupada was so comfortable in all different levels of that society. He knew how to reciprocate with the most sophisticated man and with the most simple. He knew how to associate with both the most learned men and the greatest of fools. And similarly, with his disciples, he was able to penetrate the heart of the disciple and reciprocate with that. So this japa was for me something I was very hungry for—especially to associate with Srila Prabhupada during the brahma-muhurta; I was very attracted to that.

Another transcendentally surcharged moment for me was later—all the way into Vrndavana. It was my second time in Vrndavana, in November of 1971, after the first Delhi pandal, and for the first time in India I was quite indisposed. Just as the pandal program was beginning and the first aratiwas performed for Their Lordships, I went into some kind of a fainting spell, and I didn’t wake up for two days or so. It turned out that I had jaundice, and that’s another beautiful side story — how Srila Prabhupada personally took care of me during that period. At the end of the pandal program, Srila Prabhupada took us all to Vrndavana together, and we were     staying at the crossroads of what was then called Chattikara Road, which is now Bhaktivedanta Marg, and the town of Vrndavana, at a place called Saraf Bhavan.

During our time in Delhi, Srila Prabhupada had said that some of us would stay in Radha-Damodara Temple. He took Syamasundara with him, and Gurudas, and maybe a third man — I’m not sure if somebody else leaped on that. The minute I heard they were going, I thought “I want to go with them”. I am such a greedy person, and I had a little taste because Srila Prabhupada had previously sent my husband with the keys to Radha-Damodara and said, “Go to those rooms and clean them out for me,” and no one had been in the rooms since 1967, and that was only briefly. Before Srila Prabhupada had left for the West, he had lived in two rooms in the Radha-Damodara Mandira complex—an incredibly glorious story—and those rooms were the epitome of simplicity and renunciation. One had a sense of tapasya and all the things one might assume a great transcendental personality would possess or live in—very simple, so simple: that little asana that he wrote on was a piece of weathered wood that looked like it had been floating in the sea for twenty years. It was all cracked, practically falling apart.

As you may know, in 1967 Srila Prabhupada had a heart attack that almost took his life and he went back to India to recuperate. He took two brahmacaris with him, and one followed later — Ramanuja and Acuytananda, then Kirtanananda. So, Srila Prabhupada stayed in Radha-Damodara for a little time, then he allowed Acuytananda and Ramanuja to stay in those rooms for a little while, and since then no one had been in them until he sent the keys.

When Srila Prabhupada sent us to clean the rooms, immediately that tirtha became very profound in the consciousness of all the devotees who went there, and that was Gurudas and Bhanu and Giriraj and Gopal and me — we all went and took out bucket after bucket of this fine transcendental Vrndavana sand with sparkling silica in it, very powdery because during the *loo*, the windy season, it would come through the little wooden shutters, which had big holes in them. There was about two and a half inches of dust, so we all wrapped ourselves up and took out the dust. It was like going on a transcendental mining expedition—to try to find Srila Prabhupada under all this Vrndavana element.

So I became very, very attached to the Radha-Damodara temple. And so when I heard he was going there for japa, I thought I was going to go. I got up at one o’clock, in the middle of the night, took my bath, and—I was still ill, and I didn’t know a thing of Vrndavana—somehow just started walking in the direction I thought Radha-Damodara temple was in.

When I got there, the front gate was closed, and I remember pushing it open centimeter by centimeter so that it wouldn’t make any noise and Prabhupada wouldn’t hear me. When I got into the courtyard, I noticed that the light was on in Srila Prabhupada’s room, so I was quiet, no japa — I mean my lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. I chanted like that for what couldn’t have been more than three minutes, and all of a sudden both of Srila Prabhupada’s two doors (he had two doors to his room) were pulled open and he appeared and said, “Yamuna, come here.” I thought, “Oh my God! How does he know I am here?” I was stunned. So I came up into the little pool of light from the one light bulb in his room, which was coming through the doorway, and paid my obeisances there. “How did you get here?” he asked. “I walked.” “You should never have done this,” he told me. “Vrndavana is very dangerous place at night. There are many dacoits here. And if they see just a little sliver of a copper lota, they could cut you, just for the lota.” I said, “I didn’t know.” “Never mind,” he said. “You have come; you can chant.” So I sat just outside of Srila Prabhupada’s room, and he was walking back and forth in his room, both of us chanting japa.

I also used to sit in the courtyard and watch Srila Prabhupada—how he chanted in this very, very sacred place. Those are moments that can give a disciple incredible strength, if he or she is capable of grasping the rope. And though I may happen to be the personality involved in these stories, you can apply them in your daily life to check how you are chanting your japa and how you are reciprocating with your guru. Just like when yesterday Radhanath Maharaja gave some ground rules of the Pune Yatra — he said, “No prajalpa. Be here. Take advantage of this time we have together. We can never take this second away. We can’t bring back two seconds ago or four seconds ago. We can only take full advantage of the moment that we have now in the shade of the mercy of the lotus feet of our guru’s blessings on us. That’s what I realized when I was chanting japa with Srila Prabhupada — that it was very, very important not only to try to follow the injunction, which I have been miserable at, but to do it with full attention.

One other very small incident was in 1969, not in India but in a van. We were traveling from John Lennon’s estate in Tittenhurst, where we were residing at the time, to a Conway Hall lecture that Srila Prabhupada was to give in Central London, and by some amazing quirk I had the opportunity to spend much of the day in Srila Prabhupada’s service. Sometimes during that period, I didn’t get to rest until ten or eleven at night and I was up at two in the morning, bathing, waking up the little temple Deities, doing some temple service, and then going to Srila Prabhupada’s room for an arati. Srila Prabhupada was giving me and Purusottoma dasa, his brahmacari secretary at the time, our earliest instructions in approaching the arca-vigraha; it was a very special period. So I was really tired most of the time, because I slept only three hours a night, and I always wanted to ride in that van with Srila Prabhupada as much as possible. One day, I was sitting behind Srila Prabhupada with my back to the back of his seat, chanting japa. And Srila Prabhupada, very matter-of-factly said, “You sang the words wrong.” So I got up on my knees and leaned over the seat right behind his and asked, “What words?” He said, “That record you made — the words are wrong.” “Which words are wrong?” I asked. “Bhajahu re mana,” he replied. “They are wrong?” I asked, because we didn’t have songbooks in those days, and when we had made the recording, it had been early in the morning and I had been very tired. I had been sitting in a room, just singing to myself, and hadn’t known it was being recorded.

So, I was very surprised, and I said, “I am sorry; we didn’t know the words, so that one went wrong.” “Are you chanting your sixteen rounds?” Srila Prabhupada asked. “No,” I said. “I don’t have time for that.” “Can you make time?” he asked. “I don’t know where,” I said. “I don’t know how to do that.” Now, this is not to be imitated — I am just recounting the stories. “Well, for the time being,” he said, “can you chant at least for one hour a day?” “I can try to do that, Srila Prabhupada,” I replied. “Yes, at least one hour a day,” he confirmed.

There were a few other disciples to whom over the years Srila Prabhupada somehow or the other granted some concession because they were, like myself, in one way or other weak and couldn’t prioritize enough time in the day to chant their sixteen rounds.

Just last year I had the good fortune to study two books: Prabhupada Saraswati Thakur: The Life and Precepts of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati and Of Love and Separation, which has a series of collated letters that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta wrote to his disciples. And one section of letters was on japa, including an instruction that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta gave to one of his disciples — that he could chant at least one hour (his disciples were required to chant sixty-four rounds, instead of sixteen).

So, these aren’t exciting stories in terms of humor or adventure — the adventure that Srila Prabhupada took his disciples on in Krsna consciousness — but they are really the core of how I can aspire to be a Gaudiya Vaisnava disciple of such a great personality, and that’s through the vehicle of the holy name. And really, that is true for all of us—past, present, and future.

Hare Krsna.
Thank you

Last week I was asked, “What’s the most important practice for advancing in spiritual life?” Srila Prabhupada said chanting of Hare Krsna is most important. Some have suggested that devotee association is more important because without it, most of us wouldn’t have the strength to chant Hare Krsna.

I agree. But I think there is a principle even more fundamental than this. I have addressed it to some degree in other newsletters, but it is so important that it deserves further discussion.

OUR VERY DEISRE TO ADVANCE IN SPIRITUAL LIFE IS THE CORE CONDITION UPON WHICH OUR ADVANCEMENT IT BUILT.

“One’s devotion and sincere desire to serve the Supreme Personality of Godhead are the only qualifications. Rupa Gosvami has also said that the price for achieving God’s favor is simply one’s sincere eagerness to have it (laulyam ekam mulyam).” (SB5.19.7 purport)

When people seriously take to spiritual life, they begin a process of disengaging themselves from material activities, some of which they performed for their entire lives. And they start breaking bad habits they had for years. It’s like they become a new person, a person that achieves levels of self control and discipline that practically no one in the world follows. How are they able to do this? There is only one reason: somehow or other they sincerely want Krsna consciousness above all other things.

IT IS THIS TRANSCENDENTAL GREED THAT IS OUR LIFELINE TO KRSNA CONSCIOUSNESS.

So yes, association of the pure devotees and sadhus and chanting Hare Krsna are the most important practices. But the point is that if a sufficient level of intensity to become Krsna conscious is not there, no one would do the practice. Good food is healthy, but it’s only healthy if you can digest it. Our eagerness to be Krsna conscious is our digestive power.

If one develops this laulyam, or excessive eagerness for meeting and serving the Lord in a particular way, that is the price to enter into the kingdom of God. Otherwise, there is no material calculation for the value of the ticket by which one can enter the kingdom of God. The only price for such entrance is this laulyam lalasamayi, or desire and great eagerness.” (Nectar of Devotion Chapter 9)

Go back to the time when you were first taking up Krsna consciousness seriously. What were you thinking? How were your desires changing? Wasn’t it almost like there was a bubble around you making it as if nothing could ultimately check your forward progress?

If it’s not like that today, it’s time to connect more deeply with that sincerity, that driving force that first brought you to Krsna, that eagerness. Don’t think you have no control over this. That thinking is our enemy. We are advised to cultivate this kind of greed. This is what Krsna consciousness is all about.

Yes, Krsna consciousness is available. You can purchase it from this Krsna consciousness movement. But what is the price? It is such a nice thing, but you have to pay the price. What is that? Tatra laulyam api mulyam ekalam: Simply your eagerness. That is the price. You have to pay this price. Then you get Krsna, immediately. Krsna is not poor, and the Krsna -seller—the Krsna devotee—he’s also not poor. He can distribute Krsna free. And he’s doing that. You simply have to purchase Him by your eagerness. (Journey of Self Discovery)

If that greed is not there intensely, we can conclude the lower modes of nature have covered it. Our will to be Krsna conscious can go into a state of slumber. Have you ever been in a situation when your desire to be Krsna conscious has weakened, and you are left wondering where it has gone? It is there. You just need to strengthen it, or as this analogy goes, wake it up.

So what will it take to get the will out of bed and become fully active and intense. It will take one thing -you. And I think that is the one thing too many of us are afraid to admit. We breath more easily when we think the will is weak because of……….. and we make a long list of things. What’s on your list? Here are some things that might be on your list.

I don’t live near a temple
I don’t get a lot of good association
Most of my time is spent at work
I had a very sinful past
I am not very …………. (fill in the blank)
I am not the same now as when I first started practicing Krsna consciousness
I have to …………….. (fill in the blank)
My health is not good
I have a bad temper
I have a heavy mind
I have difficulty controlling my senses
I am weak around the opposite sex
I watch too much TV
I am addicted to pornography
I have hobbies that I love that take a lot of time
I don’t have enough time for my spiritual practices
My spouse isn’t Krsna conscious
My spouse and I don’t get along well

OK, I’ll stop here before I take up the next 25 pages with valid reasons for not being as eager as one needs to be to get Krsna.

What’s on your list? Take out a piece of paper and start writing down all the reasons that are preventing you from being more Krsna conscious, from being eager and having laulyam for Krsna. And when you look at your list, ask this question; Is it absolutely true that this is preventing me from being eager to be Krsna conscious?

And the resounding answer must be, “Of course it is not absolutely true that this is preventing me from being Krsna conscious.” If you really want Krsna, nothing on that list would prevent you, just as nothing prevented you when you first decided you wanted to be a devotee. You could have had an even longer list when you were first coming to Krsna. But you didn’t. Why? Because you were eager for Krsna. And that eagerness burns that list to pieces.

One of the most deceptive forms of maya is to use Krsna conscious philosophy to keep us away from Krsna. This happens when we understand the words of scripture or of our gurus in a way unknown to us, and actually create beliefs that keep us down in Krsna consciousness. What can happen (and often does happen) is we think we are reading and understanding scripture, but we are really only reading our own mental script. For example, when we believe advancement is so dependent on the right association, getting blessings, receiving mercy, etc., we often allow our own will to be Krsna conscious to take a secondary position. When one buys into this paradigm, one becomes more or less helpless when he or she starts to fall into thinking they have little control over this. The point is that we do have control over this. The idea that “I can’t” is one of maya’s most deadly weapons. It is not “can you,” it is “will you.”

Prabhupada addressed this when one of his disciples prayed to him for his mercy and Prabhupada replied, “My mercy is already there.” The implication is that this devotee was not taking advantage of what was already given, already available, and thinking that advancement is something mystical; like a rain of mercy that automatically makes one Krsna conscious. I have seen this subtle form of maya come up so many times. Devotees think once I go here, get married, get this service, etc., I will be more Krsna conscious. And although there is validity in that, the thinking that those situations in and of themselves will make me Krsna conscious is a common misunderstanding, and is often so subtle that we don’t always realize how we are affected by it.

What also goes along with this thinking is the idea that as one advances in devotional service, one will automatically develop the qualities and traits necessary for being more Krsna conscious. This is another way to disempower yourself. Instead of taking responsibility to cultivate spiritual qualities and practices, one will feel that all he or she can do is practice sadhana, and everything else needed for becoming a pure devotee will automatically manifest. And when it doesn’t, nothing more is done to work on oneself. The reality is that bhakti is the force that empowers us to be able to manifest spiritual qualities in our daily lives and adhere to spiritual practices, not a force that puts our will to sleep.

After five months of constant travel I return to Mayapur. Many priorities made it difficult to keep up with my newsletters.

What I would have wanted to write if I had the time is expressed perfectly in the article below by my godsister Arcana Siddhi Devi Dasi.

The article is about the difference between low self-esteem and humility. It is an important and often misunderstood topic. Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence are becoming more and more pervasive. I felt this article to be important and hope it helps you or someone you decide to share it with.

May you always think of Krishna.

Mahatma Das

BTW, I have been using UStream to recording many of my classes. You can view them at Ustream Channel- Mahatma Das

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As a family therapist, I counsel people both within and outside the Hare Krishna movement. I recently received an e-mail from a young woman devotee who was unhappy in her relationship with her abusive husband but was conflicted about leaving him.

“Maybe it’s good that I feel bad about myself,” she wrote, “because that will help me develop humility.”

This wasn’t the first time I had heard this logic.

The Bhagavad-gita teaches that humility is essential for spiritual progress. Unfortunately, devotees sometimes think that feeling bad about oneself is a prerequisite for humility.

I often see devotees struggling with the concept of self-esteem. Having read the prayers of saints in our line, they often think their own feelings should align with the self-effacing statements of these great souls. They may associate low self-esteem with spiritual advancement and perpetuate a lifelong attitude of feeling bad about themselves. They may then attract people into their lives who treat them in accord with how they feel about themselves.

The confusion comes from trying to equate feelings that come from our pure ego with feelings that come from our material, or false, ego. The great souls express sentiments arising from pure spiritual ego uncontaminated by the modes of material nature. When they feel, in Lord Chaitanya’s words, “lower than the straw in the street,” that is an exhilarating emotion. They see the greatness of the Lord, and they see all others as more qualified than themselves. They are imbued with love and appreciation for all of Krishna’s creation.

Bhaktivinoda Thakura, a superlative Vaishnava teacher, wrote many beautiful songs expressing his attraction and love for the Lord, songs about achieving the goal of his heart—unconditional love for the Lord—and self-denigrating songs in which he laments his lack of devotion. As a pure soul, he expresses his attachment and love for the Lord and at the same time his feelings of being unqualified and hopeless of achieving such love. These are both authentic feelings that spring from humility, attachment, and love for the Lord.

Acknowledging Our Faults

In the early stages of our spiritual journey, we may experience a semblance of these emotions, as Krishna prepares the soil to cultivate our devotion. I recall an important experience which I had before becoming a devotee. I had a difficult time accepting criticism and felt certain that my opinions were right. That mentality created numerous problems, both professionally and personally. For months I had been contesting my supervisor’s advice about how to do my job as a resident director in a university dormitory. My obstinacy was making my job very difficult and I was suffering. Finally, one day I had the powerful realization that I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about this particular issue but I was wrong about so many things.

I can’t describe how liberating it felt to accept my fallible nature. I no longer carried the burden of having to be right about everything. I felt lowly but at same time new possibilities opened up to me. For the first time in my adult life I could hear my authority with true submission. This mental shift prepared me to take shelter of my spiritual master and devotees. In instances when Krishna helps to free us from false pride, we can taste the sweetness of humility.

Sometimes, however, when we are still contaminated by the modes of material nature and identifying with our material mind and body, feeling lower than the straw in the street can lead to self-loathing and despondency. These feelings then impede the execution of our devotional practices. We have to judge whether our psychology is favorable for serving the Lord or an impediment. Paradoxically, most people need to develop a healthy material ego before they can transcend it and realize their spiritual ego.

I once heard a motivational speaker say that people with healthy self-esteem think of themselves less, not less of themselves. When we feel good about ourselves, we can devote more time and energy extending ourselves to others, rather than being absorbed in self-deprecation. High self-esteem also gives us more freedom to act according to our values and convictions. When we feel bad about ourselves, we may do things to please or placate others. In an effort to receive external validation, we may be easily influenced to do things that conflict with our beliefs.

Feeling Worthy and Competent

Nathaniel Branden, a well-known psychologist, defines self-esteem as “the disposition of experiencing oneself as competent in coping with the basic challenges of life and as being worthy of happiness.” How do these aspects of self-esteem—self-confidence and self-respect—relate to Krishna consciousness? Krishna wants all souls trapped in the material world to be peaceful and happy. Human life affords us the opportunity to engage our talents and abilities in serving the Lord. When we offer ourselves to the Lord’s service, we feel joyful. A friend once gave my husband and me a framed aphorism that says, “What you are is God’s gift to you, and what you become is your gift to God.”

Aside from confusing humility with low self-esteem, devotees sometimes correlate the concept of high self-esteem with pride and self-absorption. But it is actually the contrary. People who exhibit high self-esteem also exemplify a more humble attitude toward others. They show a willingness to admit and correct mistakes, whereas persons with low self-esteem are often defensive and feel a need to prove they are right.

In a famous story from the Mahabharata, Krishna once met with Yudhishthira Maharaja and Duryodhana. Desiring to glorify His devotee Yudhishthira, Krishna requested him to find a person lower than himself, and asked sinful Duryodhana to find a person greater than himself.

Yudhishthira had all good qualities. He was peaceful and self-satisfied. No doubt he had healthy self-esteem. Yet he could not find anyone he considered lower than himself. Again, this is the example of an advanced Vaishnava who embodies genuine humility.

On the other hand, the unrighteous Duryodhana searched the kingdom all day and couldn’t find anyone he considered superior to himself.

Duryodhana was contaminated by vanity and pride. He envied and abused great souls. He was in constant anxiety over his position, always trying to eliminate his competitors. His sense of self depended on externals such as position and power, and thus he knew of no inner peace. He was tormented by his own lust and greed.

Pride Versus High Self-esteem

Thinking oneself to be great is pride, not high self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem exhibits humility. The perfection of self-esteem is seen in persons completely free from false ego, where humility is a product of their spiritual realization.

In our conditioned state, we might identify more with Duryodhana’s mentality than with Maharaja Yudhishthira’s. But as we progress on our spiritual journey, we will see ourselves differently. The more we come to realize we aren’t the independent performer but the instrument, the healthier our self-esteem becomes. In material life the modes of goodness, passion, and ignorance influence us. These modes mix and compete with one another to shape our state of mind, including how we feel about ourselves.

Persons steeped in the mode of ignorance are happy and feel good about themselves when their senses are pleased. Persons immersed in the mode of passion are happy and feel good about themselves when others value and validate their accomplishments. In these lower modes, our sense of self fluctuates constantly.

Persons in the mode of goodness are happy and feel good about themselves when they act in knowledge, adhering to their ethical codes and values. They are less reactive to external stimuli, so their self-esteem depends more on their inner life. Thus they have more control over how they feel.

As people move into pure goodness, they realize themselves to be instruments of the Lord. They no longer identify themselves as the doer of their activities.

Prabhupada’s Example

Our spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, showed high self-esteem. Although small in stature, he seemed large to us. He always held his head high and moved with purpose and confidence. He spoke in a straightforward way, with conviction and courage. His actions were bold and daring, yet he had a humble attitude, knowing that his success was totally up to the Lord. His humility is exemplified in his prayers aboard the ship when he first came to the United States from India:

O Lord, I am just like a puppet in Your hands. So if You have brought me here to dance, then make me dance, make me dance, O Lord, make me dance as You like.

I have no devotion, nor do I have any knowledge, but I have strong faith in the holy name of Krishna. I have been designated as Bhaktivedanta, and now, if You like, You can fulfill the real purport of Bhaktivedanta.

With great humility, Prabhupada finished his letter, “Signed, the most unfortunate, insignificant beggar A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami.”

On the one hand this prayers shows that Prabhupada feels very lowly, but on the other hand he is confident he can do anything by the Lord’s grace. The prayer also gives us the key to developing qualities of pure devotion: faith in the holy name of Krishna. The stronger our faith in the holy name’s ability to transform our material consciousness, the more we will apply ourselves to the process of chanting. We will chant with as much focus and attention as we can and will carefully avoid offenses that hinder our spiritual progress.

We are less likely to exploit others when we see ourselves as their servant, realizing our—and their—true spiritual nature as part of God. We are glorious sparks of spiritual energy, with all good qualities, yet we feel tiny in the presence of the greatest, our Lord. With this true knowledge, the pure soul can have high self-esteem and humility simultaneously.

When I shared some of these points with the young woman who had e-mailed me her question, she wrote back: “It is a great relief to understand these points from this perspective. I now understand that I don’t have to keep living in shame and abuse to be spiritual.”

She suggested I write an article on the subject for BTG. I took her suggestion to heart, since other devotees have asked similar questions over the years. I hope it will be useful to others as well.

Dear All,

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Magic Wand

If you had a magic wand and could change anything, what would you want to change (what problem or problems would you want to solve)?
Would you love to see:

§  The divorce rate in Iskcon drop to zero;
§  Devotees only drinking milk from protected cows;
§  Devotees earning a living by promoting Krsna
consciousness;
§  Devotees living together in huge rural communities;
§  Animal slaughter made illegal;
§  Krsna conscious orphanages around the world?

What problem in Iskcon – or the world – would you like to see solved?

By isolating where you would wave your magic wand, you may discover services that would be inspiring for you, services that perhaps you could dedicate your entire life to. In other words, where there is a problem there also a service, a service to solve the problems. And when you continually notice the same problem, it just might mean Krishna is choosing you to do something about it.

What bothers you?

Does it concern you that books are not published in a certain obscure language, a center doesn’t exist in a specific location,  or that an educational program to train men and women to be excellent husbands and wives doesn’t exist in your city? Do you feel bad that a traveling theater troupe doesn’t exist in your country or are you concerned that there are so few Bhakti Centers and loft programs? Does it bother you to see devotees working long hours in ordinary jobs when we could create devotee owned businesses?

Is there something that weighs heavy on you, perhaps so heavy that you don’t feel you can peacefully leave the world until the situation is being addressed?

Maybe Krishna is making you see these things because you are meant to do something about them.

Do you ever think:

§  “Why does it have to be like this?”
§  “It would be really wonderful if …”
§  “My pet peeve is that …”
§  “Why aren’t any devotees thinking about …”
§  “Why aren’t any devotees doing …”

These are more indications of a where you can serve. But sometimes you fall into the trap of complaining about the problems rather than solving them. This is unfortunate. If you complain, you acknowledge something better exists but are not willing to take responsibility to create it. It is better to see every problem as a potential mission calling you to action in Prabhupada’s service.

With a goal to serve, let’s ask ourselves questions like:

What am I really passionate about?
What really upsets me that I want to change?
What do I dream about doing or changing?

What’s your mission?

Why is mission so important? If you are not very inspired, it is likely you don’t have an inspiring mission or goal.

You can’t do everything. You need to focus on one or two things that inspire you. Then became really good at what you do. And if you do something you love, you will find it natural to give your energy and time to it. If you are not working in your dharma, just thinking about your work can bore you – even put you to sleep.

What excites you?

What do you love to do?
If money were not an object, what would you do?
If you could do anything, what would it be?
How do you want to help people?
What change in the world do you want to make?
What did you love to do as a child?

And here is an interesting thought. If you found out you only had a few weeks to live, what would you regret not having done (or not having finished).

Is there a book in your heart that needs to come out? Is there a project, group, workshop, or organization living inside you that needs to be created?

What do you dream about doing?

The world is waiting

There are many people waiting for you to fulfill your mission because they will benefit from it. You don’t know them, but know for sure they are out there.

What problem in the world have I been created to solve?
Which group of people have I been sent to serve?
What change in the world have I been designed to make?

Maybe you are just meant to serve others and help them in their mission. Maybe you are meant to organize, to cook, to clean, to advise, to manage, to create, to destroy. Whatever it is, don’t die with your music in you.

The world is waiting for you