Hare Krishna dear Sisters and Mothers!
Please accept my humble obeisances!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Here is a book collected in Russian language called "The Principles of an Ideal Family Life". And we will try to translate it here.
Your servant, Bhaktin maral
Replies
How do we maintain a proper family life in this Kali yuga?
Social problems
In today's world there are many social problems. And one of the most important is that there is no proper family life.
Because husband and wife have no firm commitment to stay together at all times and help each other, then after a while they just get divorced.
They do not stop divorcing even for the sake of their own children, who suffer from this more than others. Parents are not very worried about them. They do not care who they will become in the future, so they just put a child in front of the TV and say, "Look better TV and do not hinder me." This is just one example of the wrong attitude to life.
Selfishness
This is due to the fact that in the western world, now and throughout the world, attitudes to life of the people became very selfish. It is based on sense gratification. "The purpose of my life is that only I become happy. And no matter what happens with the rest. "They do not care that they hurt others, even their own children. Children look to parents for some guidance. But if the parents ignore them, fighting with each other and at the end get divorced, then this is for the child's mind is very destructive.
Therefore, in Western countries, it is possible to see so many young criminals, alcoholism and drug abuse among children, so many children do suicide. The main reason for that their parents are too selfish. They do not care what happens to their children.
They marry in such a state of mind: "Well, let's try that out. Now I'm getting married, but if something gets wrong, then I'll kick my wife outside." The girl, marries, thinking, "Well, let me try. But if I do not like this guy, then I'll find another." This is completely the wrong attitude, contrary to the Vedic culture and is a major cause of failure.
A man must marry for the sake of spiritual advancement. This means that he must consider his life from this point of view. He should understand that there is no enough time to live that long. At any time you can die. Even if they manage to live to 70 or 80 years, it is still not very long. Therefore, marrying and being in this position, you need to do all you can for your spiritual advancement.
Patience
Even if in family life there are some difficulties, we have to tolerate it. We may think that it is better to divorce and try again. But this is a deception of the mind, Maya. Maya always makes us think that if we make just a little change in our position, then everything will be fine.
On this point, "Srimad Bhagavatam" is a good example. A man on one shoulder carries a heavy load. This causes him great suffering. And then he finds seemingly very sensible decision. He puts the burden on the other shoulder. In fact, this is not the solution. Instead of suffering from one side, he now feels pain from the other.
And, similarly, no matter what material decision we have not taken, even though we will suffer in this way or other. In the "Bhagavad Gita" says, that in due course of time you will get all the happiness and unhappiness, which you ordained. Therefore, one should accept any position as it is. And no matter what position he may be, he must continue to act in the God Consciousness.
Two states
There are two states in the family: "We tolerate each other," and "we are developing." As soon as from the state of development, we go into a state of tolerating each other - this is a crisis and we must make great efforts to get back. Otherwise, the situation becomes chronic and difficult to fix it. So we tolerate each other until the end of life.
It is better to constantly maintain and enhance the state of development.
Responsibility
But marriage is not only pleasing the senses, but also a responsibility. Marriage - a union of men and women for their life together, united by a sense of responsibility. They should help each other, cooperate with each other. And most importantly - help each other in spiritual development.
Nowadays, people are getting married on the basis of sensual gratification. It is predicted in the "Srimad Bhagavatam" and described as one of the hallmarks of Kali Yuga (our time). They predicted that in the Kali Yuga, people will get married just out of lust. Due to the fact that a man attracted to a woman and a woman - to a man. Because apparently they like each other.
But the nature of the material desire is that I like you today, tomorrow, I hate you. And if marriage is just based on this external drive on the principle: I like you - we're getting married, then tomorrow is it that you do not like me already and that's all over.
And those who are just entering a marriage life and those who are married should be aware that this is a very big responsibility.
A divorce
If in the society there are many divorces, it means that is sick society.
Divorce is useless, because after the new honeymoon and the arrival of new kinds of concerns you would like to divorce again.
Thus, you can have five or six husbands or wives, and you will always look for a perfect husband or perfect wife. But no matter how you try, you will not get a perfect husband, because the perfect husband - is the Supreme Personality of Godhead (Krishna).
So if then you can marry Him. But you need to be qualified. Rukmini was able to marry Krishna. But if you're not at the level of Rukmini, then you better take someone as a representative of Krishna.
Sometimes you can hear how devotees say they are trying to make their marriages successful. If you are trying to do this, you are doomed to failure. Because there will always arise a lot of problems. We should not try to make our marriage a successful, because, otherwise, we have allowed already the happening of a failure.
In fact, the true solution is that whatever happens, you should stay together.
Early Marriage
The original Vedic system of marriages is that boys and girls should marry at a very young age. But the fact of marriage does not mean that the youngsters have to live together. This occurs much later, when they grow up.
Srila Prabhupada explains why it is done. Once people reach puberty, the strong sexual desires will appear. But when the girl (or boy) knows that he/she already have a husband (wife), his mind will not worry. Otherwise, they get a kick out of their minds and are in constant agitation.
Today, we see that in schools, and sports and play areas minds of young boys and girls are constantly obsessed with the thought of the opposite sex. They look at each other and motivate each other. Therefore, in the Vedic system it is recommended early marriage. Now in India the system is changed. But in the villages people still marry at a young age.
How to arrange a marriage.
There is a science, of how to arrange marriages. When a family boy or girl reaches a certain age, their parents start looking for the right family with which they could be in intermarry.
This is especially true for parents of young girls to find a suitable husband for their daughter. It is a duty of a father - to take care of his daughter. And they look for a family with a suitable groom.
Prabhupada said that girls should learn two things. First - this is chastity. They need to learn their future loyalty to their husbands. Second - they should be able to cook. They need to become world-class chefs.
Marriage in the east and in the west.
Next, we will discuss a common situation when a man and woman fall in love. In modern society it is usually what happens. The boy and girl meet each other and fall in love and then marry.
However, the traditional Vedic system is radically different from this. In India, for example, there are still many people who have not seen each other before the wedding. They meet for the first time at the time of the marriage. That is an arranged marriage of their parents. In the west, it is somewhat seems strange. "How can you marry someone you do not even know?"
In the West there is a perception that it is necessary to meet her future husband, for some time, have a close contact in order to know the person better, and then, if you liked each other, you can marry. In the West, they believe that to force someone to marry a person whom one does not know seems very cruel.
However, the statistics say otherwise. Indian marriages are extremely durable. Indian families live better and happier than in the West.
Divorce, as such, had never been known in India, at least among the Hindus.
Now in India have come up with a word that means divorce. Came up with it recently. Initially, the language did not exist.
Even now, people are getting married in India, with no intention of divorce. We know from history that in Western countries some time ago, divorce was also prohibited.
How does a person have to arrange a marriage.
In the Vedic society, just like in any other society, senior members of the society used to give advices to the youth.
Before marriage, people tend to be in the illusion thinking that they have found their ideal, and that everything will be fine. However, soon after the wedding, they begin to notice that things are not so well, as they seemed at first.
There is such a phenomenon as love, when the young man and woman under the influence of maya (illusion) is strongly attracted to each other. They fall into the illusion, and believe that their whole life should be devoted to satisfying the desires of another person.
In fact, the driving force of maya - this is lust. And after the young couples enjoyed some time in the family life, they suddenly discover that Maya can act differently also.
In the beginning the husband and wife think of each other as if they are Demigods from heaven and they behave perfectly. But after a while the relationship between them changes. They begin to notice that family life is not as sweet as it seemed. And at this point the older members of society should give good advice.
The senior and mature family people can give advices to young grihastha (family man), to instruct them on the right path to overcome the inevitable problems of family life.
This is a test of qualification of parents: the most difficult thing is not to give a birth but to give the right advice when it inevitably asked by your children, faced with insurmountable difficulties in the family. Your mistake may cost them their spiritual and family life.
When to marry?
For men younger than 30 years, there is a very good advice. If you've not yet decided that you're better off - to marry or remain brahmacari in 30 years, you'd better finally make that decision. If you decide to marry, it is better to do it on time then too late. But in any case, your decision should be mature. By this time you need to understand if you can stay brahmacari.
Brahmacari life is better. Better in the sense that you can fully concentrate on spiritual activities. But this is not the best option if you stay in the ashram (position) brahmacari, but you will feel too great excitement of mind. Therefore, one must very seriously address this issue and make a mature decision. Seriously think about - this means that you should discuss all this with a few experts in this matter.
The main thing - spiritual progress.
In Russia there are many unmarried men who try to practice self-development, but living at home. This means that they do not fully dedicate themselves to spiritual work and retain some independence - they must either dedicate themselves to spiritual mission, or to marry.
Human life is for responsibility. Either you have to take responsibility and become very serious in relation to the spiritual life that is completely devoted his life to the mission of his teacher, or you have to take responsibility, caring for one of the many single women who want to grow spiritually. Otherwise, you're trying to avoid the difficulty and complexity of brahmacari and family lives. The complexity of brahmacari life is that you must to live in an austere conditions, followed by mentors, early to rise, etc., ie to follow a spiritual practice.
But the complexity of family life, some other kind. Man must work, get money. This is also a very ascetic. And besides, there are many other problems. And people may think that it is best to avoid the complexity of life as brahmacari and complexity of family life.
At first glance it might seem that this is a very reasonable solution. But in fact, under such circumstances one can not progress rapidly in the spiritual life. To do this, one should take some responsibilities in one way or the other way.
(to be continued)
Translation of the Book from Russian:
Most people in this world - are family people. No matter what way of life one is following, it is important the association to it.
Many of the saints of this world have followed the family way of life .. For example, such as Mohammed, Socrates, Sivananda Sena, Ramananda Raya and others. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu Himself was married twice. He was married twice, not because of the fact that the divorce. His first wife died. Srila Prabhupada also lived many years in the grihasthas ashram. And Bhaktivinoda Thakura spent practically his entire life. He had 13 children. And one of them was the incomparable Acharya Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Goswami Thakur Prabhupada Maharaj. Bhaktivinoda Thakura has written so many wonderful books and songs. He was engaged in extensive preaching. This proves that we can be a saint and in family life.
In the Scriptures, it is recommended that all women should get married. But the basis for this strong marriage can serve only qualified men who can control his senses. And this comes from the practice of Brahmacharya.
Brahmachari - is a training under a spiritual teacher up to 25 years with a complete renunciation of sexual activity. This makes man spiritually strong.
If his education was held correctly, then he will be:
1. He will never will rule a family by force
2. He will never be attracted to another woman and will never forget his vows.
3. He will never forget the purpose of creating a family
4. He never falls into ordinariness
5. He will always take care of the spiritual development of his wife and children
6. He can reconcile a simple life and the sublime thought.
If you spend several years as a serious brahmacari, it will give you the vital preparation. Many who married in an immature state, later met with a lot of spiritual problems. It is better for a while remain brahmacari renounced live life to seriously pursue the service of God and learn the sublime spiritual knowledge. Thus, having strengthened spiritually, people will be able to take a mature decision, taking responsibility for the future family and children.
(to be continued)