The popular saying is that a housewife teaches the daughter-in-law by teaching the daughter. Similarly, the Lord teaches the world by teaching the devotee. The devotee does not have to learn anything new from the Lord because the Lord teaches the sincere devotee always from within. Whenever, therefore, a show is made to teach the devotee, as in the case of the teachings of Bhagavad-gītā, it is for teaching the less intelligent men. A devotee's duty, therefore, is to ungrudgingly accept tribulations from the Lord as a benediction.
The words bhartur vrata-dharma-niṣṭhayā indicate that a woman's duty, or religious principle, is to serve her husband in all conditions. In Vedic civilization a man is taught from the beginning of his life to become a brahmacārī, then an ideal gṛhastha, then vānaprastha, then sannyāsī, and the wife is taught just to follow the husband strictly in all conditions of life. After the period of brahmacarya, a man accepts a householder's life, and the woman is also taught by her parents to be a chaste wife. Thus when a girl and boy are united, both are trained for a life dedicated to a higher purpose. The boy is trained to execute his duty in accordance with the higher purpose of life, and the girl is trained to follow him. The chaste wife's duty is to keep her husband pleased in householder life in all respects, and when the husband retires from family life, she is to go to the forest and adopt the life of vānaprastha, or vana-vāsī. At that time the wife is to follow her husband and take care of him, just as she took care of him in householder life. But when the husband takes the renounced order of life, namely sannyāsa, the wife is to return home and become a saintly woman, setting an example for her children and daughters-in-law and showing them how to live a life of austerity.
(Srimad Bhagavatam--------4:23:20--------purport).
Replies
MOTHER-IN-LAW AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
(From Question and Answer Session after a Varnashrama Seminar given by H.H. Bhakti Vidya Purna Swami Maharaja in Riga, Latvia, 23 June 2009 - transcription mine, sorry for any discrepancies)
Question: What should be girl's attitude toward their mother-in-law, the mother of their husband? Is she like a mother to the lady?
Maharaja: Should be. But one would also hope that the mother-in-law would act like one.
Because otherwise then, you see, the difficulty comes is that the relationship between the mother and the son is very close. But then problem is that the relationship between husband and wife is closer. So then if the mother-in-law sees the daughter-in-law as competition for the attentions of her son, you have a problem. So that has to be understood, it is that even though it's so close, the other one is still closer.
Technically, if there is an argument between the mother and the daugther-in-law, then you have etiquette, there is respect for the mother in law, but if there is going to be peace in the house, he has to take the side of his wife. Because maybe the mother-in-law by age is senior. But that's in her world. But then there is the boy's world. So, for shudras, age is important. But in other things, it's not the main thing, [though] it's important. So, there is relationship, there is age, there is what's been done. So therefore by age the mother-in law would be senior. Good chance, she has done more sacrifice than the wife. But by relationship the wife is more intimate, so it's closer, it's senior. She must remember, it's the son's wife. There is more stories of guys throwing themselves off of bridge because their wife died as opposed to their mother dying. Mothers-in-law should always keep that in mind.
But the daughters-in-law should also understand that they are the new one in the house and try to win everybody's support by their affection and nice dealings. So a very well-behaved, active, pleasant daughter-in-law - everybody appreciates. In the same way, very kind mother in law is appreciated. If she is kind, the daughter in law wants to learn from her. If she is not, then it makes for an inspiration for nuclear families. Then you end up alone.
So something has to be worked out. If the son is important, that means, what's important to the son should also be important. In the same way, if the husband is important, what's important to the husband should also be important. Right? So that mutual respect should be there. Does that make sense? In the relationship the mother-in-law is senior. But she should always remember that the wife is more intimate. Does that make sense?
===End of Maharaja's Reply===