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One thing we have to repeat again is that parents should understand that child is not their own thing. We already told that child is a separate personality, but he is having only similar karma with parents. But father and mother always have some type of selfishness so no matter what they have to try to remove that. Mother considers child as a part of her body. Father also considers child as his own property. And mostly parents have relations with kid through this selfishness and say ‘you have to do as I want or else you are simple fool’ etc. All these bad talks will lead to a degradation of relations. Child nicely understands that he is not someone’s property, but separate individual person with his own visions in life. Unconsciously knowing that due to situations he stays in this family but in the future he will have independent life. And in the reality no need to be fully obedient to such parents who are over selfish. Such type of child right from childhood will be naughty and disobedient. The disobedience and naughtiness itself says that parents consider him as their own property. That is all. There is no other reason. You can try to cooperate with him but if you still did not remove from your heart the understanding ‘this is mine, mine’ then help is impossible.
From where comes this quality? That comes from the desire of enjoying the body of a child. Do you understand what I am saying? We try to enjoy his tiny body and consider it to be our own being. But when this body starts to act as like a separate individual being then there will be discouragement: ‘ how come? You are my own part! You must to make me happy!’ and there starts tantrum. Later appears hate, because when desires are not fulfilled appears hate. Because of that if you want to see if that selfishness is within you we can see by the next sings:
All these are the signs of our wrong attachment: inclination to be irritable, disliking, and not giving any freedom etc.
We already told that to give freedom for learning things is the main thing in education. But people who are bodily attached are not able to give freedom even in some small details. For example, child wants to count money himself after he came from shopping. But mother comes and with strict voice tells: ‘give me I will do it myself!’ Child request mother: ‘Mom, please may I do, I already know how to count?’ But mother refuses: ‘no, I told I will count, I do not trust to you!’ Which means it is an inclination to clamping the freedom in everything. Another example: ‘Mom, may I go to the shop?’ ‘no, you won’t go, sit at home!’ and some other similar details. If you mentioned such like qualities in yourself even to a details then it is the attachment to a body of a child which hinders us to understand that child is an individual person. In this way you will lose all chances to educate a child, he will be against to you always. Usually mother is more attached to a son, so in this case if she considers him as a piece of her own body then soon or later son will start to dislike mother. The same thing will happen if father is same with daughter. Such type of love won’t bring any good fruits.
Naturally every person has very strong attachment to a body of a child. This is natural thing. Because of that that desire to enjoy this body should be exchanged with the desire to perform duties before this person. In this way if mother is attached to her son out of duty she will won’t pamper the child but keep him in strictness and will send him to his father for solving serious problems. Usually when son has problems he runs to a mother because mother pampers him and is very compassionate. But out of duty mother says: ‘No, go solve all problems with your father!’ In the same way father says to his daughter: ‘You should discuss everything with your mother not with me’. Usually daughter runs to a father complaining about mother, because father pacifies her. He won’t fight with the daughter but with wife. But father should out of duty pacify daughter and send her to her mother. In this way there are some wrong attachments in family which will cause many problems. They will have politics in the family. But they should be considered in education. Children will complain parents to each other and make them fight. For example, mother is educating a daughter but father interrupts and says: ‘do not touch she is my child not yours!’ etc. This moment is very important, one should understand nicely.
In order to understand this there is one example. For example you had a small child. You keep that small body to your heart and think ‘it is mine. He is so small and unprotected!’ But one should understand that just few years back this one an old man who used to live nearby might you also knew him. Simple he became old and was not able to continue life in that old body. Later he died and took birth in your family. In that way as like man who is using old car is not able to use it for a long term so he changes that car into new one so happens with the living entity, when body gets old one leave one into another. Of course it is done by the nature according to the divine laws. And for him to grow up he needs the help of mother and father. And that old man took birth in your family in a tiny body. There are forces which force to love only our own kids and there is nothing bad in that. But one should understand that he was for trillion time old and tiny so no need to consider him as foolish and helpless. That is temporary appearance but of course he needs our help. As like small rose bud will grow and show her own unique qualities in the future in this way that child will grow and show his own qualities not the qualities of mother and father, but mostly by the force of laws characters of a child is similar with the characters of parents.
Child is protected by the Super soul – Paramatma who resides in the heart of a living being. Vedas say that person won’t die until it is allowed by the laws of God. Even if you leave a child on the street without food etc he won’t die if it is not his destiny to die yet. Parents think that they are protecting the child but they are only performing their own duties. And child is getting as much as he deserves according to his karma not more or less. As much bread, as much love and care as it is give by the karma. If mother does not take care of her child and leaves him to someone else she will get a reaction for that and child will get as much as he deserves by his own karma. Child won’t suffer much by that beyond his karma. According to his karma it was predicted that he will be given to someone else and he gets what he deserves because of his past deeds in his past lives. He won’t have any problem but that mother who left him will have problems. Because of that we should not think that we are very much important persons before this child and that he is not able to survive without us. In the reality the child is protected by God in his heart for 100%. By the sanction of God love will be created in the heart of a mother, and father will have sense of responsibility before him; time will be there when child takes birth and appears milk in the breast of a mother; Furthermore parents should know little astrology and know that mostly their karma is depended on the karma of a child. This small child might be soaking milk but for him it is predicted to live very luxurious life. This is an example. Till such like child lives in the family parents will have wealth but the time when child leaves that family wealth will be lost. In this way life of parents may be changed by the influence of child’s karma. Some planets will impact on child and that will impact on parents also. What is predicted in our horoscope we have to get. Because of that birth of a child influences to the fate of parents but it is not yet known whose karma will influence more. But because parents are having more free will but children do not have such they are more protected by God than their parents. Because of that everyone loves children, take care of them. This is a natural mercy coming out from God. Because of that no need to give much credit to ourselves in giving care when child was tiny saying ‘I used to have sleepless nights because of you, but you…’ because of that no need to put pluses for this thing because that was the duty of a mother. Child also will have duties before his parents when he grows up which is kept by God. What are the duties of a son and daughter? That should be discussed. But the main thing is no need to overate ourselves before the child and then get angry.
This text was translated from Russian book written by Devotee psychologist.