Vaishnav apradh

Prabhu ji,... Mata jis 

Please anyone please help me 😭..

I committed very big vaishnav apradh against all devotees

I took oath of all devotees , brajwasi ji , srila Prabhupada ji, that I will never do masturbation... If I do please never forgive me at any cost and give me problems ... I am 18 yrs old ... I accept I gave so many times oath and broke them  many times ... But what I could do ..? I was not old enough to control ... But this time I gave so much strongly promise .... But I broke it again 😭😭😭😭😭😭.. I committed very very big offences ... I am really destroyed totally materially, spiritually, mentally. .... I asked sorry to every devotees but unable to come out of this apradh .. please say what I shall do ... I am getting really fear .. my hands and legs are shaking ... I getting dreams my ancestors are suffering in hell ... This masturbation totally destroyed me into pieces ... Before I could start bhakti every finsihed for eternity 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔

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                    • Thank you mataji 🙏, I am little bit happy with my progress, but I feel i should do more and more progress  

    • Hare Krishna mataji 🙏, i byhearted damodar astakam , i will record and post soon mataji 🙏

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    • Hare Krishna mataji 🙏 

      1.varam seva moksam na moksavadim va 

      Na canyam varne ham varesad apiha

      Idam te vapur natha Gopala balam

      Sadame manasu avirastam kim anyahi

      Meaning - o lord , though you can give all boons , I don't desire to get liberated from this world , nor I want place in your heavenly planet vaikuntha.the only desire I want the vision of your childhood past times ,i don't want anything other than that

      3.https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder/msg/

      4. Mataji , today I woke up early. Offered water to tulsi maiya.

      5.i will complete atleast 2 rounds of chanting today 

      6.everyday by 9 am i will share my update mataji 🙏 

      7. Today whatever i will do , i will try to do it for pleasure of Krishna 

        • Harekrishna Mataji 🙏 

          I recorded again ji https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder/msg/

        • I am really sorry mataji 🙏 I didn't notice it , I think by mistakly I typed ,,, i will record properly and send again mataji 🙏

            • https://www.speakpipe.com/msg/s/434397/4/8wkow9ezm76e30d0 

              mataji I again recorded 

                • Harekrishna Mataji 🙏 

                  1. Idam te mukambhojam atyanta nilair

                  Vrtam kuntaliah snigdha raktais cha gopya

                  Muhus cumbitam bimba raktadharam me

                  Manasy avirastam alam laksa labaih 

                  Meaning - or lord , yours dark complexioned lotus face , which is encircled by curly hair,has become red like bimba fruit, due to Mother Yashoda ji kisses .. o lord i don't want any worldly pleasures. I just want the vision of this remain in my mind for ever.

                  2. Mataji today also i woke up early , offered water to tulsi maiya ji 

                  3. Yesterday i offered my little seva to braj dham seva 

                  4. https://www.speakpipe.com/msg/s/434397/5/we1uno9dyyrxnfbh

                  5.today i want to complete 3 rounds of chanting ji 🙏

                    • Hare Krishna mataji 🙏 

                      I completed damodar astakam, yesterday i chanted 5 rounds, today I watered tulsi maiya ji, today again i will try to chant 5 rounds mataji 🙏 🙏 🙏 

                    • Harekrishna mataji , 🙏 today we watered tulsi maiya ji but didn't pluck leaves , Today also i will do 5 rounds mataji , sorry mataji I didn't keep vrat I am taking medicines 

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