Connecting Devotees Worldwide - In Service Of Srila Prabhupada
|An Appeal About Us Donate Contact Us|
It's been only 3 to 4 months in KC for me. I was so happy when i initially started, never could have been much happier! But now, i keep crying to Krishna to take me away from everything. I just feel like dedicating my life simply chanting his names and glories. I find a constant internal struggle. I feel i am such a fallen soul that i dont have knowledge of vedas or shastras. I dont follow everything that perfectly apart from chanting my rounds as i sometimes very busy at work. My rounds fluctuate too at times - 30 or 16 or 10 or none. when my family or my mum says something to me, i get fed up and i dont feel like doing anything.
It just seems like i keep fighting within myself. I am so tired of this relationship bondage that i want to break free. i find my life meaningless....
are this common problems during initial stage of KC or else am i just not talking sense.
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Ram Hare Ram
Ram Ram Hare Hare
keep chanting.... atleast do that...... these distractions wud come...... they came to me as well .... i could not fight so im a fallen angel today... u wont like to be in such a spot........
Hare Krishna Mataji,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
It's been only 3 to 4 months in KC for me. I was so happy when i initially started, never could have been much happier!
I was once told, at the start Krishna is holding our hand, making things easy for us, its like he takes us into the middle of ocean, holding us tightly. Then suddenly....BANG!!!! He leaves you there to see how much you really want him? Thats where your struggle comes in. You then have to go out of your comfort zone to enquire more about spiritual life from Brahmacarinis at your local temple and focus more on your sadhana i.e. reading, chanting and service.
I find a constant internal struggle. I feel i am such a fallen soul that i dont have knowledge of vedas or shastras.
The majority of us can relate to that internal struggle, thats MAYA, she is so good at her job, she is tempting you elsewhere and telling you not to bother, thats her job.
This material world is full of fallen of souls so you are not alone.
With regards to knowledge of shastras, do you attend any morning or evening class at your local temple? Sure reading alone is fine but such is the depth of knowledge in these books we need guidance.
Just like when you were a small child in school, you could not learn ABC alone, someone had to show you, now you know ABC perfectly. Its just like that
My rounds fluctuate too at times - 30 or 16 or 10 or none
I have always been advised to start with 1 round then take it to 2 and then 3 and so on.
This way you find your balance with everything else in your life i.e. work, family etc
I would not start vowing I will chant 6 rounds a day, instead I would begin with a minimum, so start at 1, do that for 1 week and if it feels easily maintable then go to 2 the second week and so on....To start high i.e. 30 or 16 is very difficult to maintain especially for beginners.
Remember spiritual life is a way of life, it requires much patience and hard work, they say the harder you try the more Krishna will recprociate. But you have to be realistic. Like anything in life, we start off being fired up but then very quickly become fried out and turning our backs on the thing that gave us so much pleasure. So best to start slowly and not to expect too much.
when my family or my mum says something to me, i get fed up and i dont feel like doing anything.It just seems like i keep fighting within myself. I am so tired of this relationship bondage that i want to break free. i find my life meaningless....
Alot of people come to spiritual life to run away from what they are facing or having to face in their life. This is OK.
You finding life meaningless and getting fed up sounds to me like you are facing some hardship or difficulties in life. For a beginner in spiritual life, you may get temporary relief as you experienced however further down the road you will have to face your fears / problems so that you can overcome them and as a beginner you may find you do not get the help / support to face these fears and problems.
Please do not see spiritual life as an escape and seek help to overcomé the feelings of being fed up and seeing life as meaningless. The last thing I want you to do is take to spiritual life thinking it has all the answers and not receiving any because you are at a beginners stage you are unable to tap into yourself to find them and then getting fed up and walking away and therefore thinking spiritual life is a waste of time....do you see what I mean?
At times spiritual life can at times be very isolating and lonely when you are facing underlying fears and problems.You need to seek the help of others to help you face what you are going through be it psychotherapists , counsellors and professionals, they will give you a platform to explore your inner self.
Spiritual life will enable you to make a connection with Krishna who is the voice within in the form of the supersoul (paramatma)
Its like this, if 2 people are trying to speak to you at the same time, its virtually impossible to hear and remember what each is saying. See here you have the issues you are facing, whilst trying to create a relationship with Krishna. That is fine but how do you know which one to listen to when your mind is clouded with confusion?
You as a person have needs that need to be met and you need to be clear that you are not just using spiritual life (KC) as an excuse to run away from all your problems and to be clear on what you really want from your material life and your spiritual life.
Going to your local temple and speaking to advanced brahmacarinis will enable you to discover more about spiritual life, shastras, chanting, service etc Maybe your local temple does weekly courses like once a week for 4 - 6 weeks so you can learn more.
Going to see a counsellor about your mental health will enable you to work on your material life.
Please refrain from false renuciation, feeling the need to give up things falsely, otherwise you will simply suppress your feelings and emotions and they will never go away until you face them head on, understand them and then work through them.
Hare Krishna dear mataji, accept my humble obeisances. AGTSP AGTSG
Your situation is some what same like mine, though its been more than 4 years I'm in KC. Even I also some time get fed up of things but I never stop chanting. I too want to dedicate my whole life in chanting His holy name and spreading Lord Chaitanya's love and mercy, I too crying often because I feel I'm so fallen that I'm aint able to serve krishna in full measure. So mataji you can see presently your in the situation which is faced by many. There is hardly something through which I can help you but surely I can suggest something. Firstly pls have some fixed rounds and chant daily without fail. As chanting is the only strong weapon we have to fight against powerful maya, illusion. But maya isn't more stronger than Krishna's mercy. Next try to associate with devotees as much as possible, I assure you, you will be more encouraged and will be more enthuised to chant and advance in KC. Then you can try attending weekend programs and visit temple, you'll feel very nice to sing and dance along with devotees and will not feel low. Also pls follow the 4 regulative principles and have faith in Sri Sri Radha Krishna's Lordship. It is said that Krishna is ready to give everything to everyone, he'll even give mukti (liberation) if you desire but He'll only give bhakti, devotion, only to the devotees. Therefore be determined and go ahead! All the very best, just remember that if you really desire to serve Radha and Krishna and Their devotee, by Prabhupada's mercy you'll surely get the opportunity to do so, as Krishna is known as Vancha Kalpataru, He who can fulfills all the desires. I pray to Their Lordship may you progess and prosper in KC. Haribol
Chant Hare Krishna and cherish every moment of your life!
Hare Krishna dear Devotees, please accept my humble obeisances! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Arjuna also wanted to leave his duties and just become a sannyassi. Being ready to beg, and just chant the Holy Names. But Krishna with whole Bhagavad Gita explained to him that he should fight.
Here Saiyan Satori Prabhuji said very nicely: You are trying to separate God from life and other living entities ...
In the reality everything should be done in Krishna Consciousness.
For example, if You do ordinary job in outside world than You have to do that for the pleasure of Krishna. "Not some ordinary man is my boss but Krishna in his heart as Paramatma is my Boss". When You realize it You will try Your best and do Your duties honestly.
Same thing with parents. There is Paramatma in their hearts. So by hurting them or disrespecting them You will hurt the Supersoul also. Because Lord Chaitania says that one should respect EVERYONE and not to wait for respect to oneself.
As truly mentioned Dipak Prabhu, we have to try to chant some fixed rounds everyday. Then we can increase those rounds some days but that fixed round should be chanted regularly. For example, we may wow to chant 4 rounds daily, but after very nice Sunday program we might have desire to chant more. That time we chant our fixed 4 rounds and continue some more rounds. And other day again 4 rounds or fixed rounds. Then slowly slowly according to time, place and circumstances we may give wow of chanting 16 or more.
We took birth in such like material body is already saying to us that we have many material desires. Some of them are already manifested in the form of our gross body but some of them might be still in the seed form. In order to remove those seeds we need time and hard work.
As Rahul Prabhuji told, we cannot free ourselves from those seed desire by giving up everything. It is the way of gyanis. But in order to be gyani one should be very austere, in his speech, eating, life style...if we are not able to give up luxurious life style then it means we are not gyanis.
Only desire to give up everything is not a sign of spirituality. On the other hand we can see the lives of senior Devotees, how they were active in life.
For example, HH Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja used to wake up before 2 AM, chant his 48 rounds, after morning programs used to go out for book distribution without taking any food. Then he used to distribute books for whole day and come to the ashram at late evening taking some milk and dates used to go to bed. In this way many years.
Or Srila Prabhupada. He used to sleep nearly 2 hours other times were busy with many activities not only sitting and chanting.
Or Bhaktivinod Thakur who used to work as a lawyer and also who used to write many Krishna Conscious literature. Plus who had 13 children.
One more thing would be also helpful.
Krishna says that one should perform his own duty even if worse rather than performing other's duty perfectly. By engaging ourselves according to our own nature we will be satisfied with our life materially and spiritually.
Hello Hare krishna,
The problem is because we are marginal ..either spiritual or material...you should make a call whether you wish to be entirely spiritual or entirely material..material world may seem a happy place but everyone has demon hidden in them along with good qualities ...while we have recently started in this movement ...the demon that was hidden has come to the surface...the best thing is to chant ...and Hear as much as you chant..surround yourself with devotees call up a devotee in case of helplessness...remember even the worst of the kind are saved and protected by krishna and they get completely transformed ..by the looks of it you seem a very sweet innocent girl so do not worry ...vedas say let go and rejoice...forget the past...thoughts have a habit of staying on rent for a time in your mind then leaving now they are staying gradually the shall leave ...hari bol ...go to sankirtan ..dance there..have your favorite prasadam ...Celebrate your union with Krishna and Radharani..for a devotee life is a celebration....never a struggle
I have been in KC since i was very small, as it comes from the family. The emotions and feelings were always there, due to the family influence, that has some effect, but the emotions matured only when something came from within, only when it came from inside.
I feel the same way that you do. i feel the outer world is pulling me, there is constant pull. There is a lot of struggle. Krishna does a lot of testing. a lot stuff comes up. The thing is we need to learn to live a life taking Krishna's name, pursuing a spiritual life, just like Arjun did. It is a difficult thing. We have to understand that we should make our family life spiritual, taking care of family. Its all written in gita. "Nishkaam" is the word here, do the wordly duties, those have been prescribed by Krishna, but dont get attached to them. that is the most important thing.