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Hare Krishna, respected prabhu jis and mata jis

PAMHO

All glorious Srila Prabhupad 

Need help, clarity, and guidance 

Please for give for if made any offence. Im opening my heart here. I am 24 years old my chanting stop from 10 days i was im 16 rounds. Right now im in a state which is killing me from inside making me numb, fe el disgust about my self boz i fall again. 

More about my self:

I was in 9th class have i was 1st introduced to porn and masturbation the boys around me feels cool about that we always talk about girls sharing porn videos in pendrive after that im having so much attraction for girls till now i suffered from this disgusting illness. From 18 to 21 years i was in 3 serious long distance relationship. Play with the girls emotion and jump to next one now its feel so guilty, i was never engage any physical things not even touch. ( This is restricting me to get married also how can I face her)

I was Introduced to KC 2.5 years back in Temple. Before that from childhood I little affection for Krishna (I think it was all sentiment). By Krishna's Mercy I connected to a senior devotte, during the classes I realise these things are sinful activity. At temple a vice president (Brahmachari) engage me few posters designing services and still i am connected to him, because of my job(work from home) I cannot do much services. I never open up to him to my condition boz I am not feeling comfortable he is so senior. That time I feel so lucky and fortunate I finally get that a cure and it is so simple by doing chanting and dancing. But every time I feel again and again to the bad habits. Taking many vows but after few days i back to same. Inside i have feeling no this the only way so, i try again. I go to many Yatra with devottes and my prays is same every time please krsna help me (to overcome my lust). The problem is inside me krnsa gives the way, association and guidance but my will power is not strong. So i decided to live with devotees by managing my Bhakti and job. Two months im with devottes what they say i do following ideal lifestyle. Wake up at 4 am, taking bath in winters, filling my sadhan card and reporting to a senior devotee, doing more round's in festival by the mood krsna will free me from my bad habits. I wear Tulsi Mala also thinking Tulsi Maharani will protect me im thinking to remove it should i? those days was not easy for me boz through office I have so much pressure in work sometime I have to work late. At the base we are only 3 devottes living boz of that services are so much sometimes I cannot give time to my work and get scolded from my TL. Right now I am back in my home and my habits are getting worst day by day i have to continue my job to pay the EMIs of the loan. My parents also cooperative no onion garlic at home offered first then eat my mother chanting 16 rounds but i falldown everytime Im hope less right now I try hard but im sorry, sometime I forcefully sit in chanting. Someday i cry and thinking I never overcome this disgusting habits. This one thing ruined my life and bhakti. The source of all sins 

I am the architect of my own destruction. 

im asking too the pure souls around here is there still a ray of hope for me please pray for me save me

I begging again and again for help,

Hare Krishna

Your Servant