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Marriage v. Sannyasa

Haribol dear servants of Radha Krishna. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. Please accept my humble obeisances.Over the past few months I have gotten thinking about my future. I'm currently in college and over the next few years, after I graduate, I figure my parents will want me to settle down. To be honest, when I was a kid, and for that matter, until a few months ago, I have always dreamed of following a specific plan: get married, have kids, raise kids in KC, and around 60 take sannyas because I have always wanted to take sannyas.Recently, I have been thinking of revising that plan and just take sannyas much earlier and not get married. It's the path I really want to take. What confuses me is just my duty. As the only son, it's kinda my responsibility to take care of my parents, furthermore we have a family business which I know my dad wants to pass on to me. We even have these Radha Krishna deities that I have grown very attached too. And taking the path of a sannyasi obviously means to leave them all behind. No service is better than serving Krishna, and I know that if I do end up settling or even not becoming a sannyasi I will still be serving Krishna and the devotees, but it doesn't have that unique feeling to it that the idea of taking sannyas has.I have asked Krishna multiple times to guide me, but he has always given me mixed messages with some supporting marriage, or some supporting sannyas (most of these messages are through devotees who mention something along these lines in their lectures), which makes me even more confused.I guess, I don't really have a question, I just wanted to share this and know people's opinions and thoughts.

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  • Hare krishna prabhuji,

    with such a intense desire to serve the lord you stay at home and worship the deities, because taking sannayas is absolutely a serious matter in which u take the responsibility to preach heavily at large scale. so, first of all get married and learn the way to preach under the guidance of senior devotees. And finally at the age of 50 or more if u think that u r eligible for sannayas then u can definitely accept sannayas initiation.

    please forgive me if it has hurt u in any way...

    your aspiring servent

    ayush 

  • Hare Krsna Prabhu !

     

    It’s very inspiring to know about your Krsna conscious thoughts and your concern about how to remain Krsna conscious in future also while fulfilling family responsibilities. This is what is Bhagvad Gita is all about. Arjuna is confused that how can he fight with his relatives and remain Krsna conscious altogether. He very intelligently tries to avoid his duty as a kshatriya citing various logical and emotional reasons. This situation actually reflects to all of us especially when we are new to Krsna conscious, we also feel like Arjuna that bhakti is like only meditating, doing nothing practically and Krsna will provide everything, we don’t want to work or perform our duty towards family, society etc. and find ways & means to how to avoid and just chant & read Srila Prabhupada books. Instead of working for Krsna we try to take benefits from Krsna. (Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear. BG 18.66).

     

    Arjuna however understood his position and accepted Krsna as his spiritual master and then served Krsna instructions. (BG 2.7 - Now I am confused about my duty and have lost all composure because of miserly weakness. In this condition I am asking You to tell me for certain what is best for me. Now I am Your disciple, and a soul surrendered unto You. Please instruct me. ). 

     

    Similarly we should also approach a spiritual master with full humility as he can properly guide us out from our bewilderment. (BG 2.7 - Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized souls can impart knowledge unto you because they have seen the truth.)

     

    A sanyasi life is not a bed of roses. After following a strict brahmchari life for many years following all the regulative principles, maintaining a strict schedule of sleeping, eating, chanting, worshiping, serving, preaching etc. getting  trained under the instructions of the spiritual master or temple management then one may or may not get sanyasa depending upon the individual’s spiritual quotient.

     

    No one can these days force a person to marry, still if circumstances are such, one can marry a devotee and in this way advance quickly in Krsna conscious. One can help his parents in becoming Krsna conscious rather than leaving them, at least offering them prasadam regularly, one can utilize his business in promoting or funding Krsna conscious as per his capacity. One must understand that everything already is property of Krsna, so we have nothing to renounce.

     

    The problem here is instead of utilizing our present time properly, we foolishly think too much of our future assuming that we are the controller of our life and we can shape up our future as we wish.

    “The spirit soul bewildered by the influence of false ego thinks himself the doer of activities that are in actuality carried out by the three modes of material nature.” (BG 3.27)

     

    A devotee is not supposed to worry about his future life, nor he is regretful of his past life but he rather utilizes his present time in serving Krsna and His devotees, planning & acting on how to preach Krsna consciousness everywhere. Such a devotee live & act as a brahmchari, his only sense gratification is gratifying the senses of Krsna. A Krsna conscious devotee is already a sanyasi, even if he is a grahastha as he knows that all that he has belongs to Krsna so he utilizes everything for Krsna.  My spiritual master Sriman Sankarshan Das Adhikari says that there are 4 types of brahmcharis – brahmchari brahmchari, grhastha brahmchari, vanaprastha brahmchari and sanyasi brahmchari. Because a grahastha brahmchari remains celibate in his family life too and only have sex life for procreation that too once a month if he feels to have a Krsna conscious child after taking consent from his spiritual master.

     

    One can remain Krsna conscious in any of the 4 ashramas. Most of the preachers & Srila Prabhupada book distributors in Iskcon are grhasthas. The great achayra Srila Bhakti Vinoda Thakura is a superb example of this. He was a grahastha with a large family but all were pure Krsna conscious devotees. Srila Bhaktisidhanta Saraswati Thakur the spiritual master of Srila Prabhupada being one of them.

     

    Please find below a quote from my spiritual master Sriman Sankarshan Das Adhikari on this subject :

     

    Quote:

    “Krishna confirms in Bhagavad-gita 9.32 that everyone has an equal opportunity to attain the supreme destination. We can see the wonderful example of Bhaktivinode Thakur. He was an employee of the British government and he had a very large family. And at the same time he was a pure devotee of Krishna and a powerful acharya of the Krishna consciousness movement.

     

    Srila Prabhupada very wonderfully describes the glories of the ideal householder, Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur: “Our acharya Bhaktivinode Thakur was the perfect householder and we should take his example. How nice a householder he was and how nice children he produced; one of them is my Guru Maharaja. That is the example. So follow it and become successful in Krishna Consciousness.” (from a letter to Svarupa das written in Bombay on 15 June 1971).


    Bhaktivinode Thakur has written a very nice song in which he teaches the perfect mood for householders:


    'āmāra' bolite prabhu! āre kichu nāi

    tumi-i āmāra mātra pitā-bandhu-bhāi

     

     “O Lord, nothing further remains that may be called ‘mine.’ Father, friend, brother-You alone are all these to me.” 

     

    “My friends, wife, sons and daughters are now Your servants and maidservants. Whatever care I take for them is only as they are related to You.”

    “Declaring that my wealth, family members, home, and wife are truly Yours, I continue as a mere servant to dutifully protect them.”


    “For the purpose of Your service I will earn money and bear the expense of maintaining Your household.”

     

    “I know nothing of what is good or bad; I simply render my service. I am but a watchman set to guard the properties of Your household.”

     

    “I exercise my senses only according to Your direction, and thus I desire to hear, see, smell, and taste.”

     

    “I no longer do anything for my own pleasure. Bhaktivinoda says, ‘Your pleasure is the essence of everything.

     

    Also as mentioned in BG verse 6.1 for being a sanyasi one need not to just wear saffron robes only. One can be a sanyasi by renouncing the fruits of his labour for Krsna also.

     

    “The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: One who is unattached to the fruits of his work and who works as he is obligated is in the renounced order of life, and he is the true mystic, not he who lights no fire and performs no duty.”

     

    PURPORT

    The criterion of perfection is to act in Krsna consciousness, and not with a view to enjoying the fruits of work. To act in Krsna consciousness is the duty of every living entity because all are constitutionally parts and parcels of the Supreme. The parts of the body work for the satisfaction of the whole body. The limbs of the body do not act for self-satisfaction but for the satisfaction of the complete whole. Similarly, the living entity who acts for satisfaction of the supreme whole and not for personal satisfaction is the perfect sannyasi, the perfect yogi.

     

    A person acting in Krsna consciousness works for the satisfaction of the whole, without self-interest. A Krsna conscious person has no desire for self-satisfaction. His criterion of success is the satisfaction of Krsna, and thus he is the perfect sannyasi, or perfect yogi. Lord Caitanya, the highest perfectional symbol of renunciation, prays in this way:

     

    na dhanam na janam ja sundarim

    kavitam va jagad-isa kamaye

    mama janmani janmanisvare

    bhavatad bhaktir ahaituki tvayi

     

    "O Almighty Lord, I have no desire to accumulate wealth, nor to enjoy beautiful women. Nor do I want any number of followers. What I want only is the causeless mercy of Your devotional service in my life, birth after birth."

     

    Hope it helps.

     

    Your servant

     

    Harish

  • Hare Krishna !

    May I say something, prabhu?

    Please wait and let Krishna reveal His answer when He likes.

    • Regarding your parental business, as you know, we do not take it with us when we go. It is only the credit that we get through devotion that we can take with us.
    • Radha Krishna Deities that you have: you could take Them with you or give Them to some Grihastha devotees; if situation does not allow you to serve Them, someone else will do, it does not mean that They won't be served or looked after.
    • As for the matter of looking after your parents, it is not you or me or any one who looks after the parents.  It is Krishna and Krishna will arrange.  If Krishna wants, there is not question of obstacle in looking after your parents.

    However, please wait.......and.... see below.......

    Why not continue remain a grihastha bramacari till your parents go back home back to Godhead. You have wonderful service till then and will have more time to test your vows and determination and decide accordingly.

    • Patience is one of the requirements in Bhakti.  Please let Krishna guide you. Please do not seek answer so early.  Our duty is to ask for guidance and the Lord will give the answer when time comes.  There must be a reason for the delay in His reciprocation.
    • Right now your purpose is to finish your studies, still few years to go. Please focus on devotion and studies for now.
    • Taking sannyas, getting married etc are crucial decisions and should not be decided in a hurry.
    • I suggest, please finish your studies, do more service and occiasionally chant more rounds, such as 30 to 64, make your mind even clearer and at that time you will be more empowered to make the right decision. Whereas now, you are much young and duty-bound for studies, mind is also preoccupied with subjects of your studies.  It is not good idea to think about it now.
    • Finally,   my views are not to be taken seriously.  It is just a small piece of opinion. 

    Hope you will be  patient, calm and be able to wait as long as Krishna wants you to wait.

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  • Volunteer

    Hare Krishna,

    Nice to see your enthusiasm for serving Krishna and the eagerness to take up sannyasa life pr.

    Prabhupada many times would insist the disciples to know the purpose behind taking sannyasa. The purpose behind taking up sannyasa is not to get some material name, fame and people bowing down to you. Rather it is to fully surrender our lives to service of Krishna.

    It is very nice to see that you have been brought up in a Krishna conscious family. Being the only son, it is also your duty to take care of parents. 

    Even if you are getting married, it is not a loss for you in Krishna consciousness because you are already serving the deities and you can use your business to collect laxmi for building temples and temple activities etc.

    as you have only said -- "I know that if I do end up settling or even not becoming a sannyasi I will still be serving Krishna and the devotees".

    and in the next line you are saying -- "but it doesn't have that unique feeling to it that the idea of taking sannyas has."

    could you please elaborate on what that "unique feeling" is? because it is very important first to understand what is the purpose that we are taking to sannyas asram.

    In ISKCON sannyas is given after a devotee shows his sincerity and dedication towards the mission and he is monitored by the guru for many years, so that the sannyasi will be stable and will be able to guide the whole society in a KC way.

    Thank you,

    Ys

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