Hare Krishna Prabhuji's and Mataji's Dandavat pranam,
I am 27 years old young male and I am objectively ugly to look at (you cannot convince me there is no such thing as objective beauty, because there is). This has made my life extremely lonely, difficult and filled with depression and led to anihhilation of self confidence. This is probably cause of my previous karmas.
But going through such difficulty is what attracted me to lead a very spiritual life and attracted me towards Krishna Conciousness. I am chanting 8 rounds everyday for now and 16 on weekends and I also do fasting on ekadeshi and have been inadvertantly following the 4 regulative principles all my life. Even through I know in my heart Krishna Conciousness is the ultimate path and serving krishna is our topmost position as a soul that is part and parcel of Krishna, the pain inside my heart is not going away. I feel Krishna being the most beautiful and surrounded by the most beautiful Devotees cannot understand my pain. I also get jelous of seeing beautiful devotees who seem to have both Material and Spiritual weath as I feel they have been living life on easy mode.
I find myself more attracted to mayavadi philosophy to extinguish this pain. I feel more attracted now to Ashtavakra (who was born with 8 folds in his body), reading Ashtavakra gita I feel my pain soothed.
What do I do? How do people born with ugly body in this life can ever have faith there is such a thing as a more beautiful spiritual body waiting for us. I feel it is easier to believe that any body even spiritual is an illusion and we are nothing but the pure conciousness.