Hare Krishna Prabhuji's and Mataji's Dandavat pranam,
I am 27 years old young male and I am objectively ugly to look at (you cannot convince me there is no such thing as objective beauty, because there is). This has made my life extremely lonely, difficult and filled with depression and led to anihhilation of self confidence. This is probably cause of my previous karmas.
But going through such difficulty is what attracted me to lead a very spiritual life and attracted me towards Krishna Conciousness. I am chanting 8 rounds everyday for now and 16 on weekends and I also do fasting on ekadeshi and have been inadvertantly following the 4 regulative principles all my life. Even through I know in my heart Krishna Conciousness is the ultimate path and serving krishna is our topmost position as a soul that is part and parcel of Krishna, the pain inside my heart is not going away. I feel Krishna being the most beautiful and surrounded by the most beautiful Devotees cannot understand my pain. I also get jelous of seeing beautiful devotees who seem to have both Material and Spiritual weath as I feel they have been living life on easy mode.
I find myself more attracted to mayavadi philosophy to extinguish this pain. I feel more attracted now to Ashtavakra (who was born with 8 folds in his body), reading Ashtavakra gita I feel my pain soothed.
What do I do? How do people born with ugly body in this life can ever have faith there is such a thing as a more beautiful spiritual body waiting for us. I feel it is easier to believe that any body even spiritual is an illusion and we are nothing but the pure conciousness.
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
THe good news is - you are not the body. You are soul living in the body. Maybe this body is not that pretty. The way we change our dress, that same way, soul changes different bodies. So do we lament endlessly if one dress we wear is not to our liking? No na. Same way, maybe this body is not beautiful, doesnt matter. You are not the body anyways.
You are soul, part and parcel of the lord, and you are sat, cit and ananda.
Please try to get out of bodily consciousness, now that you are on the spriritual path. In fact, if your body has got you to spirituality, then that body is a blessing. IT is much better than beautiful bodies, which are binding to the soul inside the body. Anything that bringsus closer to Krsna is worth it.
Whose is the pure consciousness? That of the soul. The characteristics of the soul has been described in detail in Ch 2 of Bhagavad Gita.
Chant very nicely prabhu, with full attention.
Please learn to count your blessings - the heart filled with gratitude knows not sorrow, and is in bliss. That is the meaning of Krsna COnsciousness.
Radha Rasamayi DD
Thank you so much for your answer! I feel my mind drifts into negative thoughts because of my association. I am young so all my friends in my age group are only obsessed with success in work and having girlfriends and boyfriends.
I think I need to rewire my brain by counting blessings every morning.
You know that story of Aghasura the big python demon? what was his previous bad karma that made him get that ugly body of a sluggish creature ?
Aghasura was in previous birth?? this demon Aghasura was a son of demon Shankhchura. He was prideful of his youthful body and he INSULTED ASHTAVAKRA muni laughed at his body which is bent at 8 places. Ashtavakra then cursed him to become twisted and ugly and bent at many places ( a snake). Then realizing his mistake the ugly aghasura pleaded to take the curse back. Being kind to him Ashtavakra muni says you will get mukti when your pride goes off totally and broken by Sri Krishna in dwapar yuga.
Well, don't feel jealousy towards beautiful people! All have some flaws. Your flaws are externally visible to the outside thats all.
No one is perfect all are having impurities in them. We all need to become perfected and pure.
You feel you are ugly person but your body has no deformity.
I am sure you can type as you typed this question above-- IT SHOWS YOU Have Hands!!! WOW you are gifted!!! there are many people out there who have no hands! or lost their hands ( handicapped) You are SO LUCKY you could use these hands to SERVE THE DEITY OF KRISHNA!
I can see FROM YOUR QUESTION that-- YOU ARE GIFTED WITH EYES too WOW, YOU CAN SEE THE LORD's DEITY AND ENJOY reading the PASTIMES OF LORD.
I can also sense from you detailed Question that -- YOU ARE EDUCATED and Qualified to Understand at least some parts of PHILOSOPHY and having a " IDEA THAT YOU DID SOME PAST BAD KARMA FOR WHICH YOU ARE SUFFERING NOW- THIS IS ALSO a gift of LORD. Because there are so many people out there who don't believe in KRISHNA and also they don't understand " PAST BIRTH" they don't understand how PAST KARMA EFFECTS THE PRESENT LIFE!!!!
Writing, reading, seeing, you have nose wow, you also have ears !!!! you are gifted person
There are so many people who are more ugly then you. who are blind, who are handicapped, who have no money to get proper education, who have dyslexia, who are mentally challenged and sitting at home ( who are on bed) all the time and cannot do basic things like even cleaning their own bodies. YOU DON't realize that you are endowed with so many gifts.
You can hear to Lord's glories,
you can see Lord's deity,
yOu can read about Lord's victories
, you can type, write Lord's glories,
you can do deity service
You are educated and qualified which makes you self sufficient in the world not dependent or a begger on streets?
you can chant Mahamantra !!! WOWWWW! you are so greatly endowed with Krishna's prema.
Lord loves you more than many unfortunate souls so he gifts you so many things.
you are way more gifted than this person! realize it , and realize that some bad past karma made you get this type of body but Lord is very very generous he didn't make you handicapped or mentally challenged and gifted you many things. UTILIZE THIS BODY FOR HIGHER PURPOSES OF LIFE. Help poor, sick and handicapped, serve Lord with gratitude that Lord gave you so many things even though you did very bad karma in the past life HE IS Kind to you. BE GRATEFUL to LORD
I am thinking you are in way better position than this begger! be grateful to Lord.
Thank you so much for your answer, I did not know this story of ashtavakra!
I am going to thank krishna to be able to experience him with all my senses and yes as you pointed out I can see, hear, smell and think. I have to rewire my brain, as I think the problem is my mind keeps falling into darkness and my mind has been practising this ever since I was a teenager and was the object of many teasing and bullying
Hare Krishna Prabhu
Although speaking learned words you are mourning what is not worthy of grief. No one can be as powerful, beautiful, famous, knowledgeable, wealthy and renounced as Krsna. Going by your logic, then everyone should stop worshipping Krsna because no one can ever equal Krsna!
Pure devotees don't desire even a spiritual body, they are happy in whatever condition of life they have been placed provided they don't forget Krsna.
Who else but Krsna hits on this point in so many ways that we are not the material body. Pure consciousness is a symptom of the soul but your consciousness is still material because you are still comparing with others. Otherwise, there is no question of jealousy!
I can't help but sound harsh, but that is what you need to hear.
First of all, Krsna want and see your devotio toward him. He has nothing to do with anyone's material body. The body of the one who is beautiful and the one who is ugly, from the eyes of Krishna is just a pile of soil. He just want whatever body you have got, just engage in his service. There are devotees who were in Demon body, but still one of faviorite devotee of lord.